You’re standing in your closet holding a perfectly good dress that cost a small fortune but hasn’t fit in years. You know you’re not going to wear it again. But the minute you consider donating it, you feel a pang of guilt. The discomfort of decluttering is too much.

So you hang it back up. Problem solved! Except, of course, it isn’t.

When the discomfort of decluttering rears its head, our instinct is often to make the uncomfortable feeling go away by keeping the item. But the truth is, keeping that item doesn’t really resolve the discomfort. It just lessens it temporarily. But as long as that dress hangs in your closet, it’s a low-grade reminder of that guilt and a silent reprimand every time you see it.

So instead of avoiding that discomfort, let’s focus on making a thoughtful (vs. emotional) decision and how making that decision now vs. later gets easier and easier as you go!

Why We Confuse Discomfort With Making the Wrong Decision

Some things are easy to declutter because they aren’t emotional really, they just showed up in your home and never left. Duplicates in the kitchen like spatulas, old magazines, broken equipment. Uncomfortable feelings arise when a latent (or prominent) emotion is brought to the surface. Those emotions can be misleading.

The expensive purchase you barely used (see dress, above) triggers guilt. The quilt your great-aunt made you ages ago that you don’t actually care for brings up obligation. The belongings your grown kids left behind are laden with nostalgia. Hobby supplies neglected for years unearth regret and loss of identity.

What’s important to note is that these feelings are real and deserve acknowledgment. But they aren’t necessarily useful instructions about what to keep. You may have heard me say this before: your feelings are not facts. And they aren’t necessarily guiding you to the right decision.

You can feel sad about letting something go without the decision to declutter being wrong. In fact, it was your logical brain, not your emotional one, that led you to question whether you needed that to keep that item in the first place. 

What Happens When You Stop Trying to Avoid the Feeling

Our natural instinct is to avoid unpleasant feelings. And when decluttering triggers guilt, sadness, or anxiety, the quickest escape is to put the item back.

But what if you didn’t? What if you simply acknowledged the feeling and allowed yourself to experience it without immediately acting to make it disappear? The discomfort of decluttering doesn’t have to stop you, just sit with it for a minute.

You’re sorting through your mother’s belongings and come across a serving platter you remember from childhood holidays. You have no use for it, but donating it feels disloyal.

Instead of immediately putting it back in the cupboard, you pause. You acknowledge that the platter reminds you of your mother and long ago celebrations.  You recognize that letting it go makes you sad. You remind yourself that the memories don’t depend on owning the platter.

And then you allow yourself to feel sad. Your goal isn’t to eliminate the sadness you’re feeling. It’s to discover that you can tolerate it and keep going. You may mourn the loss of the platter for a time (adding a small ritual to honor the feelings helps a lot) but as you continue to live your life it fades quickly. And guess what? You still have the memories of your mother, and the platter, and the holidays of your youth.

Emotional discomfort often eases with time, but there’s no universal timeline, and some meaningful losses continue to hurt. The point isn’t to rush through grief or force a decision. It’s to learn that an uncomfortable feeling doesn’t automatically require you to reverse course.

Every Time You Do the Hard Thing, It Gets a Little Easier

Think about the first time you got rid of something that made you uncomfortable. Maybe you worried you’d regret it. Maybe you felt guilty about the money you’d spent.

But then a week passed. A month passed. And you realized you were fine without it. That experience matters. When you push through those first few times, you have evidence that you can make a difficult decision, experience an uncomfortable emotion, and move forward.

The discomfort of decluttering in midlife is driven by the decades of life history we are excavating. That’s what makes it so hard – the decisions are not isolated to just a few. But, our midlife season also brings the wisdom to know ourselves well and push through. Over time, those experiences can build confidence in your decision-making. Through each hard decision to let go, you’re building decluttering muscle.

A few suggestions for you as you attempt the uncomfortable:

• Start with something that creates mild discomfort rather than your most emotionally loaded possession.
• Give yourself permission to experience the emotion without treating it as an emergency.
• Pay attention to how you feel afterward (not immediately afterward, but the next day, week, month.) Did the anticipated regret actually materialize? Did the discomfort ease?

As you go please remember that just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean you can’t do it! And importantly, you don’t need to feel completely comfortable before you begin. If you wait to feel comfortable, I promise you the decluttering will never happen.

The Feeling Passes. The Freedom Stays

We spend so much time trying to avoid the uncomfortable feelings associated with letting go that we overlook the ongoing cost of keeping things we don’t want or need.

That clutter continues taking up space. The decisions remain unmade. The guilt may even resurface every time we encounter the item. But when we learn to tolerate a little discomfort, we open the door to something better.

The next time you find yourself holding on to something simply because getting rid of it makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself this: Am I keeping this because I want it in my life, or because I don’t want to feel what comes with letting it go?

The discomfort of decluttering is usually temporary, but even when it lingers, you’re capable of experiencing it without letting it make your decisions for you. Don’t worry, you’ve got this – I’m cheering you on from the sidelines!

The post The Discomfort of Decluttering: You Can Feel Bad and Do It Anyway appeared first on Method Seattle.

Your brain has opinions about everything you declutter, and those unhelpful thoughts can really get in your way. Do any of these sound familiar?

‘What if I need it someday?’

‘I paid so much for this.’

‘My mom gave it to me.’

‘I’ll get to it eventually.’

‘I only want it to go to someone who will appreciate it’

This unwanted running commentary can really put a crimp in your efforts to rid yourself of the stuff you don’t use. But it doesn’t have to!

Here’s the thing: these thoughts are completely normal. Most of us have them. They are extremely human. The problem isn’t having the thoughts per se. Rather, it’s treating every thought as though it deserves the final say in what you actually do. 

Below are three strategies you can use to build up your decluttering muscle. When you are able to notice the thoughts going through your head without reflexively obeying them, decluttering won’t feel as hard as it does now.

1. A Thought Is Not a Fact

Not every thought deserves your attention, but we sure treat them like they do! Thoughts are brain activity, not facts. Think of them as visitors passing through (like passing clouds!) instead of directives you must follow. They can feel really convincing, especially when they are tied to money, guilt, memories, obligation or fear.

Let’s separate the thoughts from facts using our earlier examples:

Unhelpful Thought: “What if I need it someday?”

Check the Fact: “I haven’t needed it in 12 years.”

Unhelpful Thought: “I paid SO much for it – I’m wasting money.”

Check the Fact: “The money is already gone whether I keep it or not.”

Unhelpful Thought: “My mom gave it to me.”

Check the Fact: “Letting this go does not mean I don’t love my mom.”

Unhelpful Thought: “I’ll get to it eventually”

Check the Fact: “I haven’t followed through yet, and chances are I won’t ever.”

Unhelpful Thought: “I only want it to go to someone who will appreciate it.”

Check the Fact: “I can’t control the outcome of every item I donate.”

Please don’t imagine you’ll need to argue with yourself over every item you declutter. You don’t need to stage a debate every time, you merely need to recognize the thought as it’s passing through. “There’s that thought again. Now, what do I actually know to be true?”

2. Stop Letting Temporary Discomfort Make Permanent Decisions

Remember how it’s helpful to think of your unhelpful thoughts as visitors passing through? Well, the nice thing about these visitors is that their stay is short. In other words, the discomfort they cause is temporary. When you know this, it’s easier to resist when they try to take over the decision-making process.

It’s true that holding on to something because of unhelpful feelings like guilt or fear does provide some immediate relief. You don’t have to feel guilty about Mom, admit the expensive purchase was a mistake, worry about needing something later, or accept that you’re probably never going to finish that project.

But if you follow through with the decision to declutter despite the unhelpful thoughts, you’ll find that they see themselves out before long. And the more you practice letting them pass through, the easier the process becomes. You don’t become comfortable letting go before you practice letting go. It happens because you’ve repeatedly experienced the uncomfortable thought, made the decision anyway, and discovered that you were okay afterward. This is what building decluttering muscle looks like!

3. Give Your Goals a Louder Voice Than Your Unhelpful Thoughts

Here’s another thing about your unhelpful thoughts, they are only powerful in the silo of a single decision. In other words, when you put the decision to declutter something hard into the bigger context of your goals, the unhelpful thoughts lose a lot of their power.

When you are struggling to make a decluttering decision, try zooming out and laying it up against what you are trying to accomplish overall.

Ask purposeful questions like these:

“Which matters more to me: avoiding this temporary discomfort or making meaningful progress?”

“Does keeping this help me create the home I want for my life now?”

“Is this important enough to take up space in my next chapter?”

Purpose is a powerful thing. If you are clear on your purpose, you can use it to flex your decluttering muscle when you hit a rough spot. Before you know it, staying in service of your larger decluttering goal becomes the louder voice in your head (and this one is a helpful voice!), enabling you to push through again and again.

Reminder: You Don’t Have to Believe Everything You Think

Friends, successful decluttering doesn’t mean reaching some magical point where you never think ‘What if I need it?’ ever again. The skill is learning to hear the thought and keep going.

Remember that your thoughts are not facts.

Remember that the discomfort is temporary.

Remember that your goals are a powerful antidote to the unhelpful thoughts.

Yes, your brain has opinions – as it should! But you don’t need to let those opinions drive your decluttering decisions!

The post How to Stop Unhelpful Thoughts From Derailing Your Decluttering appeared first on Method Seattle.

As I write this blog, I’m mentally preparing for my upcoming surgery. Recovery is going to be hard (yes I know, I Can Do Hard Things!) so I’m preparing for that as well. I don’t have control of what my body will be feeling after the surgery, but I do have control over the environment I recover in.

With that in mind, I will be adding comforting elements to my recovery. I’ve assembled a list of movies to watch (many that I’ve seen before that I know will be comforting!) Knowing that color brings me visual comfort, I’ve styled my glassybabies in a transitional Fall palette that will subtly delight me from the background of my living room. And lastly, I’ve arranged for my closest friends (and my dad!) to come hang out in shifts the first week when doing anything is going to be really hard.

We often approach a hard thing like surgery recovery or decluttering like it’s something we just need to grit our teeth and get through, but there’s a smarter way to approach it! Let’s walk through how you can make decluttering easier before you ever sit down to do the work.

Stop Making Decluttering Feel Like Punishment

Yes, decluttering in midlife  can involve physical work, hundreds of decisions and uncomfortable emotions – boo! The first thing you can do to make decluttering easier is set your body and mind up for success. That means avoiding the following conditions:

• Decluttering when you’re hungry
• Decluttering when you’re tired
• Decluttering when you are upset (one caveat: rage decluttering can be highly effective!)

Make sure your body and mind are in a good place going in, it will really have an impact on your experience. I recommend picking your best time of day (mine is morning) to declutter, especially if you are working through the harder emotional categories like a loved one’s belongings or your grown kids’ stuff. You need your best mental energy going in, not just physical strength.

Also – decide ahead of time how long your decluttering session will be. Plan for something shorter than you think you can do. When you make the session finite, you make it manageable and you won’t dread it as much going in. If you block out an entire Saturday to declutter it feels like a sentence.

Add Something Good To Something Hard

In none of my favorite books, Atomic Habits – James Clear’s 2nd Law of Habits is ‘Make It Attractive.’ You can make decluttering easier by adding positive elements to your environment, thus making the act itself more attractive to your brain. 

How do you do this? How about popping in your ear pods and turning on a podcast or audio book? I do this when I’m working independently in a client’s home and it helps the time pass quickly. Or, if the decisions you’re making are of the tougher variety, have a comforting playlist happening in the background. Here’s one I made that you can try out!

Another bit of pleasure I like to add when I’m decluttering is a drink. Specifically, a drink that feels like a treat. Sure, you could just have your water bottle handy, but a Grande Iced Oatmilk Latte with half a pump of vanilla is SO much better!

Another idea – add a friend to the process. Not to help you do the work, necessarily – but just be there for support. This idea works best if you A) pick the right friend (no judgy ones, please) and B) keep your session on the shorter side. It can be helpful, even pleasurable to have someone there to tell your stories to. I have found that people have an easier time parting with things after they have told someone about them. It works like a release trigger of sorts. And hanging out with your friends is always fun, it really gets the dopamine flowing!

Make Today’s Decluttering Session Help Tomorrow’s

Okay you’ve taken all of my suggestions and are having a grand old time at your decluttering session. Now here’s where the magic really happens!

The marathon session that leaves you exhausted, surrounded by piles and thinking ‘what a nightmare that was!’ reinforces the resistance your brain feels the next time you go to declutter.

On the flip side, the manageable session where you went in fresh, added some positive elements and finished without burning out gives you a completely different experience. In fact, it leaves a positive imprint on your brain. So the next time (and there will be lots of next times since you are in midlife and have a lot of clutter to get through!) you will be rearing and ready to go!

Every time you prepare yourself and your environment for decluttering, you’re building mental evidence that it doesn’t have to be some awful chore that you dread. Every positive experience makes it a little easier to come back and declutter again.

Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

Preparation sounds like such a serious word, but it’s not that deep folks! A few minutes of thinning ahead and making smart decisions before you begin makes decluttering easier. And increases the chances that you can make a habit of it.

I am not making a habit of having surgery (although I have at least one more in my future!) but I know that all the little positive elements I’ve added to my recovery will add up to less gritting of my teeth. And more positive vibes.

The post How to Make Decluttering Easier Before You Even Start appeared first on Method Seattle.

Yesterday I was doing a Tabata ride on my Peloton and the instructor said ‘There is a reason the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield.’ I was consumed by surviving the ride (did I mention it was Tabata?) and breathless so I didn’t catch the rest of what she said and why it applied to what we were doing. But for the rest of the class I kept thinking: that’s the perfect way to approach decluttering in midlife.

By the time midlife hits, we’ve accumulated decades of physical evidence of where we’ve been: our childhoods, hobbies, parenthood, people we loved, places we’ve been, things we spent a lot of money on. None of that is inherently clutter, per se – but it does become a problem when it’s taking up room you could be using for the life you are living now.

Decluttering in midlife is not about erasing the past, it’s about right-sizing it to make room for what’s next. I never thought I’d be writing a blog about something I heard in a spinning class, but here we are. Follow me, if you like, while I tug at this thread for a bit.

You Don’t Need To Keep The Whole Story

As humans,we tend to treat belongings of the past as proof. Proof that something happened, mattered, or was part of who we were.But here’s the thing: there are so many ways to preserve a piece of the past that doesn’t require preserving all the stuff associated with it.

Do you need all 150 pictures from the day your firstborn came home from the hospital? Maybe 10 would suffice to preserve that memory. Must you keep every figurine that your grandfather collected on his military travels through Asia or would 1 be enough? Is it required that you save each and every drawing your youngest made? Or just a few, like the one she drew of your family skiing where everyone is wearing hilariously huge helmets?

Decluttering in midlife should mean pulling out the gems that preserve your story.  Then prune back the rest so it doesn’t dominate the storage space or the vibe in your home.

Your Home Has A Finite Amount of Real Estate

Yes, I know that sounds obvious! Every bit of space you devote to storing your past means it is unavailable for something else. You weren’t thinking about it in your 30’s because you didn’t have much stuff yet. In your 40’s you were way too busy to notice how much was piling up (just stick it in storage!) But now that midlife has hit, the tradeoff has become obvious because we all have 50+ years of ‘the past.’

Keeping things around seemed innocuous for years, but now those things are occupying space that could support the life you are living now. Overstuffed closet and dresser drawers? How many of those clothes even fit you? Or support the occasions you dress for today? What about your kids’ bedrooms? Could that space support a newer hobby or interest that is currently competing for space? And have you actually integrated the stuff you got from your parents or is it occupying the garage space where you used to park your cars?

Tradeoffs, all! Decluttering in midlife is an opportunity to make those tradeoffs, ensuring the space in your home comfortably reflects your current priorities and interests.

Turn Your Attention To The Windshield

When the tough decisions come up, keep your focus on the windshield. What do you need room for now? The answer to that question may be a kitchen that’s easy to cook in, an inviting landing place for guests or space in the garage to brew beer! When I look around at my friends’ homes, I see all kinds of fun ways they are repurposing space in their homes; a gear room for hiking, a cocktail bar setup, an art studio. At my house I cleared out a storage room that had turned into a dumping ground for everything from memorabilia to inherited furniture into a lovely office space for my (then) new business. 

Maybe you don’t know what you need space for yet – that’s okay too. Believe me when I tell you that easier maintenance, less visual noise and greater flexibility are good enough reasons to declutter in midlife. Clearing the clutter gives you room to explore what’s possible. And the power to bring home something new and exciting without the hassle of cramming into space you don’t have.

Smaller In The Back, Bigger In The Front

That rearview mirror is useful, you definitely want to keep it around. You’re supposed to look at it, just don’t drive while staring into it! To be honest, once I decluttered I enjoyed the things I saved so much more because they were no longer buried in boxes and bins under stuff that wasn’t important.

Now I have the space to enjoy them – and I do! You aren’t turning your back on your past by pruning it back. You’re making space for the future that’s in front of you.

We have plenty of life left to live – this isn’t a death cleaning exercise! Just a little right sizing to keep us on track to enjoy the decades we have left.

So when you’re decluttering, keep your eyes on that big ol’ windshield. The rearview mirror has a purpose and a place, but you’re moving forward – not back!

The post Decluttering In Midlife: Your Past Is Taking Up Too Much Space appeared first on Method Seattle.

I promise I’m not going to write about cancer every week, but obviously it’s top of mind for me at the moment. And since I’m working on building up my mental strength for multiple surgeries and treatments, there is a lot of natural crossover with decluttering. This week I’m focusing on a specific shift of perspective around loss and thinking about swapping instead.

Many folks fear decluttering because they view it as a net loss. Loss of identity, of memories, of investments in both time and money. I’m struggling with a similar mindset right now as I face recovery from a double mastectomy. I am someone who works hard on her fitness. I work out 5 days a week: running, stationary biking on my Peloton and strength training with weights. While I’m not a natural athlete, I do the work because it is in the short and long-term interests of my physical and mental health. The fact that I won’t be able to participate in my workout routine for weeks feels like a big loss.

But what if I re-framed that loss as a swap? I may be losing my work out as I recover from the surgery but staying off my feet during that time gives me something important: the ability to travel in October. Why is that important? Because my book comes out at the end of September and I have book events (plus an awesome Napa weekend with my college girlfriends!) scheduled in October, I do not want to miss those events. If everything goes smoothly with my recovery (i.e. If I don’t push myself to get ‘back to normal activities’ too fast) then I should be able to make those trips. So that’s what I’m going to think about when I’m antsy and want to push a boundary.

You can use a similar re-frame when you are fearing the losses you’ll incur as you declutter. I’ve got three great swapping examples for you.

Swapping For Space

For some reason, we do not place the same value on space that we do the things in it. If there is enough open space to fit a piece of furniture we will jam it in. If there is an open shelf in a closet we will happily fill it. And often we crowd things out of the space they are supposed to occupy (cars in a garage come to mind.) As if our homes were nothing but storage for the thousands of things we own.

I often describe decluttering in midlife as ‘shedding the deadwood.’ Some of the deadwood items are things you don’t use but may feel attached to. For instance, tent the family used to sleep in on camping trips you no longer take. Or a bunch of plaques and awards from a career that were relevant back when you were still working. Letting go of that stuff can feel like a loss.

So instead, think of the space you are gaining once it’s gone. More open space means you can see what you have. Move through a room more easily. Feel a sense of calm when you look across at a bookshelf that was once stuffed to the gills. 

We take space for granted, but you definitely notice the difference once you have it back. Swapping stuff for space is a good trade!

Swapping For Function

As I’ve already noted, we unwittingly turn our homes into storage units as we accumulate more and more things. How about the guest room that turned into a dumping ground for anything that didn’t have a home? Or what about the treadmill that you hardly ever use? It lives in your bedroom and is often draped in cast-off clothing and Amazon boxes. How about the alcove that would make a great reading nook if it was cleared of debris?

There are many ways your home can work for you if you remove ‘storage unit’ from its resume. (And don’t get me started on actual storage units!) Midlife is a fantastic time to reassess your home’s functions and how you can clear space for something you’d like to do. Home gym? Studio space? Library? Workshop? Gear room?

You aren’t losing things you’ve had ‘forever’, you’re swapping storage for functionality!

Swapping For Something Better

I am a huge proponent of midlife upgrades. We have lived through enough years using things that work ‘just fine’ and when we deservedly bring in a newer, better version we keep them both. Letting go of the sheet pan that has seen better days in service of a new USA Pan that is superior in every way is a good swap. Saying goodbye to the steel-frame bike that served you well 10 years ago in favor of a shiny new carbon-frame version that’s 15lbs lighter is a worthy upgrade. You don’t need to keep the 11 other wine-openers when you splurge on the fancy Coravin that doesn’t remove the cork (whaaaat?!?!)

You get the point. When you are feeling bad because you’re getting rid of something ‘perfectly good’ just remember, you are actually swapping for an upgrade in midlife. And deserve to do so!

The Higher Purpose

The swapping mindset is really just a way to help your higher purpose front-of- mind. Whether your goal is more space, functionality or a midlife upgrade – that’s what you should remember when your brain is telling you you’re going to miss the things you’re letting go.

As for me, while I recover from surgery I will be setting aside my fitness goals in service of the trips I desperately want to take in October. And whenever I’m feeling the loss, I’ll remind myself that it’s actually just a swap – and a good one at that!

The post Swapping, Not Losing: A Midlife Approach to Decluttering appeared first on Method Seattle.

So I was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of weeks ago (boo, hiss!) I’ve communicated with my friends and family, there is a treatment plan in place and about a hundred different medical appointments on my calendar instead of organizing sessions. It’s a lot to process and I know it’s going to be a journey to rid my body of this pesky disease. I’m going to need physical and mental strength.

But what I’ve found myself thinking about most is the mental strength I’m going to need on this journey. I’m going to be dealing with all kinds of feelings: fear, disappointment, frustration, anger, guilt. It’s going to be a lot to navigate! And of course that got me thinking about how the advice I dole out on a daily basis for decluttering is advice I’m going to have to take myself, ha!

Because here’s a little secret you may not know. A lot of the tricks, tips and hacks that I write about in the context of decluttering also work for other tricky emotional situations. In fact, they are skills that you may be applying to decluttering now, but you’ll be able to use them in other areas of your life as well. (Hopefully not what I’m using them for but you get the picture!)

I thought I would use this week’s blog to focus on three ways to build your mental strength for decluttering. They also happen to be things that I’m going to focus on along my cancer journey as well. Writing about them helps rewire my own brain so I can get through this thing with my spirit intact. Thanks for bearing with me!

Do The Next Right Thing

One of our brains’ favorite hobbies is catastrophizing. It loves to race ahead to every possible problem, every worst-case scenario, every decision that hasn’t even arrived yet. When you’re decluttering, that sounds like:

“What if I regret getting rid of this?”

“What if I need it someday?”

“How am I ever going to finish this whole house?”

My brain is trying to do the exact same thing right now. I’m a big picture girl and a planner. I always like to be 3 steps ahead. My brain wants to fast-forward months into treatments I haven’t had yet and conversations that haven’t happened. But none of that helps me today.

So instead, I’m building mental strength by asking myself one simple question: What’s the next right thing?

Not the next fifty things – just the next one. Maybe that’s finding a friend to accompany me to an appointment. Or taking a shower post-surgery. Or resting (something I’m not very good at!) 

When you’re decluttering, maybe it’s tackling one drawer. Or researching donation spots. Or simply opening the door of the doom room you’ve been scared to enter. Momentum is built one next right thing at a time. Your brain will keep trying to drag you into the future. Your job is simply to bring it back to today.

Your Thoughts Are Not Facts

Here’s something I remind my clients all the time: Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. Building mental strength means not accepting intrusive thoughts as facts.

Your mind is like a bus with many passengers on board. Those passengers are your thoughts.

Some of the thoughts are helpful:

“I should probably declutter this because I never use it.”

And some of them aren’t:

“I spent so much money on it, if I declutter it, it’s like I wasted that money.”

You can’t help your thoughts—they are part of you and part of being human! But, you don’t have to let them drive the bus. In fact, you can kick them off once they’ve said their piece!

My own intrusive thoughts have been coming in fast and furious lately. Of course it’s natural given the situation but I am going to have to practice recognizing them and escorting them off my bus. I often find that when you stop to check the facts they don’t line up with what you were thinking since the intrusive thoughts were being so noisy in the back!

Hard Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Do It

I sign off every social media caption with the mantra ‘You Can Do Hard Things.’  I love it because it’s so true that it seems obvious and yet we don’t do things all the time because we think they’re too hard.

Something feels hard, so we reflexively decide it must be beyond us. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Decluttering is hard. Sorting through a lifetime of possessions is hard. Making hundreds of decisions is hard. Letting go of guilt is hard. But none of that means you can’t do it! Build up some mental strength and you absolutely can!

In midlife we have the benefit of wisdom. We’ve lived through a lot of life and have accomplished many hard things. We’ve raised families, navigated careers, experienced loss, weathered disappointments and don’t even get me started on menopause!

You are strong. Decluttering is hard but you can do hard things. Cancer is going to be hard but I know I have the balls (forgive me, I just had to! 😂) to take it on. Because I’ve done plenty of other hard things and come out the other side.

You’ve Got This

Mental strength doesn’t just happen – just like anything else you need to build it up with lots of reps and practice. You will be amazed at how much stronger you will be coming out of your midlife decluttering journey. It really is cathartic!

I can’t say if my cancer journey will be cathartic, too early for that. But I do know what I need to work on so that it doesn’t kick my ass mentally. And I’m getting my first reps in with this blog.

Thanks for helping me out! 💪🏻

The post Midlife Decluttering Is Hard: 3 Ways to Build the Mental Strength to Do It appeared first on Method Seattle.

Even if you’ve been working your way through your own midlife clutter, there isn’t much that can prepare you for clearing out your parents’ home.

Whether your parents lived in the same home for 10 years or 50, decluttering after they’re gone is unlike any project you’ve tackled before. That’s true no matter how complicated your relationship was or how much you loved them. And to add insult to injury, alongside your grief, there’s also a very practical job that has to get done.

If you’re facing this now – or know you will someday – I hope this helps you approach it with a little more grace for yourself. It will never be easy, but a little bit of advance mental preparation goes a long way toward smoothing the bumpy road.

The biggest challenges facing you as you face decluttering your parents’ home are the sheer overwhelming size of the job, working through your own grief and many other emotions that come up as you go and navigating the feelings of siblings and other family members. It’s a lot for sure, but I’m going to break it down for you and truthfully, just being aware of these challenges goes a long way toward facing them bravely and gracefully.

1. The Size of the Job Can Feel Impossible

Even if your parent wasn’t a hoarder, decades of accumulated belongings can feel paralyzing. Your parents’ home is filled with furniture, paperwork, collections, clothing and all of the practical things needed to keep a house.

I know it feels daunting, but mentally separating those categories before you even begin the work is helpful. The two categories to think about first: the furniture and the practical household items. Why those two? Furniture is big so there aren’t as many decisions but most pieces will require a logistical plan to move. Are there pieces that you or other family members want? Is there enough in quantity and quality to have an estate sale? What happens to the stuff nobody wants?

As for the practical household items, presumably they do not hold any sentimental value to you or others. You can go through (or hire someone to) round up the shampoo, the cleaning supplies, the paper clips, the contents of the medicine cabinet and anything else that falls into the category of ‘mundane household.’ You don’t need that stuff – and your parents don’t either. Please do not waste energy trying to figure out good homes for paper clips. You need to conserve your wits for the harder decisions!

Clothing is another category that you can deal with quickly. It’s more emotional for sure, but think about it before you get into the closets. Is there a piece or two you’d like to have? (I kept a Patagonia jacket of my mom’s – I wear it on colder winter mornings when I take the dogs out and think about her giving me a nice warm hug.) Take a couple of items and then the rest can easily be donated. Scope out a spot before you’re into the work (pick someplace close, with good hours and an easy process.) Delegate the donation run to someone else who needs a job to do.

The harder categories like paperwork, collections and anything sentimental you may want to save for later – if that’s possible. If you are on a time crunch to clear the house out, taking some of that stuff with you to sort out later when the grief isn’t so raw makes a lot of sense. That said, your home should not turn into a storage unit for these things. Thinking beforehand about what papers are important to keep, what collections you might like to have for yourself, etc. means you can look for those things – set them aside – and not spend precious energy going through every single file, trinket and photo album.

The bottom line is, if you have even a rough practical plan in place for the work of clearing the home of possessions, you will have more energy to expend on the emotional journey you’re facing.

2. The Grief Roller Coaster

As you declutter your parents’ home, the emotions will be coming hard and fast. That’s just a fact – there isn’t really anything you can do to stop it from happening. What you can do is give yourself permission to feel the feelings (they won’t kill you, I promise) and come prepared with a lot of Kleenex. Trying to push the emotions away is going to come back and haunt you later, letting yourself feel them now is healthier in the long run.

Expect your emotions to surprise you. You may breeze through some rooms and completely fall apart over an old grocery list with your mom’s handwriting or her favorite sweater (or Patagonia jacket, see above!) Keep calm and grab that Kleenex – the tears are gonna be what they are.

The tricky part about your feelings is they can start to mess with your decision-making process. Some items carry deep meaning; many don’t. But your feelings may try to convince you that you are a bad daughter/son for getting rid of the Lladro collection that your mom loved but you never cared for. You are not a bad child.  In case you get caught up in feelings, let me say this to you now: you don’t have to keep everything to honor someone you loved. Keep the things that have meaning to you. The things that will make you (eventually) smile when you see them.

It doesn’t have to be a lot (in fact, it shouldn’t be – remember you have a lot of your own stuff back at your house!) A few things will help you as you continue along on your grief journey. Too many will end up boxed in your garage where they won’t do anyone any good.

3. Protect Your Relationships with Your Siblings

This is, in my opinion, the hardest challenge when decluttering your parents’ home. Some sibling relationships are fraught, some are close. Some siblings are separated by distance, where one or more carried the majority of caretaking duties as their parents’ aged. The intricacies and nuances of your specific relationship with your siblings doesn’t necessarily have a strong bearing on how this process goes.

Even in the best sibling relationships, people have different skill sets. Individuals, even if they are related – have different ways that they grieve. Some are better in a crisis. Others are good at tackling a to-do list. And different people have different relationships to things. One sibling may want to save everything; another may be ready to empty the house immediately. I obviously can’t advise on specific family dynamics here, that would be impossible. However, I can offer a few guiding principles that can help you get the job done while preserving your familial relationships. Here they are, in no specific order:

• Assume best intentions wherever possible
• Try for early communication (that is, before you begin in the house) about roles, expectations and decision-making
• Go in ready to make some compromises
• Play to individual strengths when figuring out who is taking care of what
• Remember that at the end of the day, your relationships with the living matter more than the physical things your parents left behind

In an ideal world you are leaning on each other through this process. It isn’t always possible, but going in with a good mindset can help immensely.

It’s Never Easy

Nobody goes through the process of clearing out their parents’ home and enjoys it. You’ll probably second-guess some decisions. You’ll probably keep a few things you didn’t plan to and let go of others you thought you never could. That’s okay!

There isn’t one perfect way to tackle this job – you just have to power through. But with a bit of insight and mental preparation, you can survive it with your wits and relationships intact. (Maybe your tear ducts will need some time off 😉).

The post Decluttering Your Parents’ Home After They’ve Passed: The Hardest Decluttering You’ll Ever Do appeared first on Method Seattle.

The time is ripe to face an uncomfortable truth about decluttering in midlife. This may be hard to hear, but I feel compelled to share it based on my years of experience as a Professional Organizer. If you’re keeping your clutter around because you think you’re going to sell it eventually…it’s probably never going to happen. Selling clutter is usually a waste of your time and energy.

Here’s how it happens: You’re decluttering and come across something you feel is worth something. Maybe it was something you spent a lot of money on and you feel like you should recoup at least part of what  you paid for it. Maybe it’s something that is ‘perfectly good’ and seems like someone else would pay good money for it. Or it could be something you inherited, and maybe Antique Roadshow would tell you it’s worth a small fortune!  Your imagination fills your head with the exciting possibilities of resell riches and you set the items aside in a ‘sell’ pile..

Meanwhile, life goes on. That pile of possibility sits in the garage, guest room, basement, or closet for months – or years. And you come across it again the next time you decide you have too much stuff and it’s time to declutter.

I’d like to invite you to rethink the resell plan and consider donation instead. I have some good reasons, so stick with me while I lay them out for you.

Selling Is a Whole Separate Project

When you are in the throes of exciting resale possibilities, selling clutter feels like it will be a quick final step of the decluttering process. You’re thinking about the outcome, not the process required to get to it. I’m here to tell you: it isn’t quick. It requires a fair amount of work and mental effort. Here is a partial list of what is involved when you resell something:

• Researching prices
• Taking photos
• Writing listings
• Posting on multiple platforms
• Interacting with potential buyers
• Answering questions
• Negotiating
• Coordinating pickups or shipping

Don’t get me wrong, there are many selling platforms that are relatively easy to use these days. Reselling is definitely easier than it used to be! The problem isn’t that selling doesn’t work.

The problem is – reselling is work. More work on top of the not-insignificant mental energy you already expended making the decluttering decisions in the first place. Reselling is an entirely new project you are taking on. And that is why most people never follow through.If starting a small resale business is something you’ve been dreaming of, great! If you have systems set up, know all the hacks and tricks for the resell platforms and like doing this kind of stuff independent of your decluttering project – go for it! Just don’t expect you’ll get as much as you think your clutter is worth.

Your Stuff Is Probably Worth Less Than You Think

I predict there will be quite a bit of distance between your expectations of what you can get for your stuff and the reality of what it’s worth. Selling clutter hardly ever nets enough to justify the time and energy it takes. There are a few reasons for the disconnect.

You remember what you originally paid for the thing, and that does not match what the market says it’s worth. You’ll discover this to be almost universally true if you take a few minutes to do a little price research online. Also, your emotional attachment to the item – be it sentiment, guilt or frugality – inflates its perceived value in your mind. Your potential buyers have none of those attachments, in fact their emotions are pulling them in the opposite direction price-wise:

• “I’d only buy this if it’s a really good deal.” 
• “I could probably find something similar for less.” 
• “Used stuff should be cheap.” 

You  know how they say a new car loses a third of its value as soon as you drive it off the lot? Well, the value of most stuff you are trying to resell depreciated dramatically as soon as you bought it. Again, maybe take a few minutes and check out pre-owned prices for some of these popular midlife categories:

• Furniture
• Exercise equipment
• Home decor
• Kitchen gadgets

The reality is, you are going to spend hours and hours trying to recover a fraction of what you initially paid for the thing you are reselling. Are those hours worth it? Let’s do a little math. Say you have only 3 things to sell. You spend a total of 4 hours doing all the required activities (see list above) to list and sell your items. You end up netting $75 total (pretty good!) So essentially you earned $18.75 per hour for that project. I don’t know about you, but my high school kids made more than that lifeguarding at our neighborhood pool. And that’s only the time component, never mind the mental energy. The point is, sometimes you’re protecting the value of the item at the expense of your time and energy.

The Cost of Keeping It Is Usually Higher

And what about the cost of space that ‘sell’ pile is taking up in your home? Your intentions of selling clutter pay a price there too.  It’s definitely contributing to visual clutter. And it’s probably taking up storage space. But worst of all, it’s a constant reminder that you haven’t followed through on actually selling it. You will berate yourself every time you come across it and feel badly. It’s basically a visual ‘to-do’ that never gets crossed off your list.

In addition, you are depriving yourself of the most satisfying part of decluttering – when the clutter actually leaves your house! My clients tell me all the time that their favorite part of my service is how I take donations away with me at the end of our session. That’s because it feels so good to have it gone! It’s the most joyous part of decluttering in midlife, and if you’re keeping a bunch of it around, you’re defeating the purpose of your decluttering project.

Disclaimer

Of course there are exceptions to my rules of avoiding the resell trap. High-value antiques, designer clothes, shoes & bags, and fine jewelry are all probably worth the effort (through an appropriate channel.) And if you are someone who resells often, you know the ins and outs of your platform of choice – so the lift is lighter.

But for most people and most midlife clutter, the fastest path to exit from your home is usually the best path – and it isn’t selling clutter. So before you start adding to your ‘I’ll sell it’ pile, ask yourself: ‘How much is my time and energy worth?’ Then do a little math to validate your decision. And nine times out of ten the donation box that leaves your house this week is worth more than the ‘sell’ pile that’s still sitting there the next time you decide to declutter!

The post Why Selling Clutter Costs More Than It’s Worth appeared first on Method Seattle.

Alert – this blog is for anyone who feels like decluttering specific items goes against their values in some way. I get this a lot in my social media comments:

“I would never get rid of (insert item X) because I value family”

“Decluttering (specific thing Y) is not an option – I value my memories”

“I will not add to landfills, it’s so wasteful – I value the environment”

So I am moved to point out the differences between values vs. practices. When we declutter, we often rationalize keeping things because we are confusing practices with values. That distinction changes a lot if you understand the difference between the two.

Here I’m going to illustrate why practices and values are mutually exclusive. I’ll dig into why the lines blur so much for those of us in midlife. And I have a question you can ask yourself when you are having a hard time decluttering that will put the decision in perspective. Let’s get into it!

What’s the Difference Between a Value and a Practice?

So values vs. practices – what’s the difference? A value represents a deep belief or priority. Here are some examples:

• Connection
• Family
• Creativity
• Hospitality
• Security
• Beauty
• Stewardship

A practice is the way you express that value. There can be many different practices that express the same value. Where we get tripped up when decluttering is confusing the way we’ve historically expressed a value with the value itself.

For example:

• Value: Honoring family. Practice: Keeping inherited furniture
• Value: Financial Stewardship. Practice: Keeping things you spent good money on
• Value: Security. Practice. Keeping things “just in case”
• Value: Environmental Stewardship. Practice: Recycling wherever possible
  

What many folks miss is that it is possible to change the way you express your values. There is not one righteous path forward. Practices can change while values remain intact. You can let go of a practice that isn’t serving you and pivot to one that better aligns with your current lifestyle/situation/circumstances. Or with something you are trying to accomplish, like decluttering for instance.

Why the Lines Between Values vs. Practices Blur in Midlife

It is completely understandable how we mistake practices for values so often in midlife. We’ve accumulated decades’ worth of physical expressions of our identity. That means our homes contain evidence of every life stage we’ve passed through, from our own youth to raising families to empty nesting. 

We were raised by parents and grandparents who grew up in times of scarcity, when values of family and stewardship were consistently expressed via physical belongings and squeezing the most out of every purchase. Our parents passed these practices down to us. Because the practices have existed through multiple generations they feel like the values themselves.

That’s why decluttering certain things can seem like a betrayal of your values, even though you know in your wise mind that it’s the right thing to do. Letting go of them feels like you’re becoming someone different – someone who is straying from the values you have identified with your whole like.

The funny thing is, these practices may not have even been explicity verbalized. They were just in the water we grew up swimming in:

• “Good mothers save their kids’ things.”
• “Responsible people keep useful items.”
• “Family heirlooms must stay in the family.”

Do any of these feel familiar? If the answer is yes you are not alone! The sensation is unique to our season of life and the specific generations we were born into!

The One Question That Changes Decluttering

Now you understand the differences of values vs. practices. Naming the problem sucks away half of its power over you! But that tractor beam is still pretty strong – so how do you actually break free? 

It’s very simple, really. It’s merely a switch of the internal question you ask every time you go to declutter something that is emotionally loaded.

Instead of asking “Does this item matter?” ask yourself “Is this object the only way to honor this value?” I guarantee you can think of multiple ways to express your values that don’t involve keeping a bunch of clutter that you don’t use and (honestly) don’t really care about.

• You can value your children without keeping 20 bins of childhood artwork
• You can value hospitality without a formal dining room (or the wedding china in it) that nobody uses
• You can value memories without keeping every object attached to them
• You can value preparedness without storing a lifetime supply of “maybe someday”

If you need ideas on clutter-free ways you can express values, check out my blogs on Rituals and Grief Decluttering. They’ll help you reframe what feels like giving up your values to merely updating how you express them in your life today.

Your values deserve space.
Your outdated practices don’t automatically deserve storage! When you decouple values and practices you make letting go feel a lot less like a loss.

Try it out and see if it doesn’t help you make space for the things that matter – and let me know how it goes!

The post Values vs. Practices: The Decluttering Shift That Changes Everything appeared first on Method Seattle.

I call May the Month of Maureen. My mom’s name was Maureen. Her birthday is May 3. Mother’s Day is a week later. And she died 8 years ago on May 20th. So May is an emotionally loaded month for me, and always gets me thinking about grief decluttering.

In my organizing practice I often see people struggle to let go of things that belonged to a person they lost. When we lose someone we love, the things they owned suddenly take on a new significance. It feels wrong somehow to get rid of them, like a small act of betrayal. But I invite you to consider how you felt about these things when your loved one was alive. Were they important to you? Did they make you smile? Did you even know they existed?

When you lose someone there are a hundred ways to honor them without keeping everything they owned. In fact, keeping all of their stuff isn’t really honoring them at all. Putting intention behind the act of keeping something special to you shows love and honor. Saving everything that was theirs just because they owned it doesn’t. Plus, keeping all that stuff is making it hard to see and appreciate the things that do matter.

In honor of the Month of Maureen, I’m sharing the ways I’ve found to remember and cherish my mom through grief decluttering that don’t involve keeping a bunch of clutter in my house. Maybe you’ll find an idea or two you can use yourself!

A Few Cherished Items

Just to be clear, I have kept some of my mom’s things for myself. Grief decluttering doesn’t mean getting rid of everything. I kept things that simultaneously remind me of her and serve some purpose in my life. It’s a pretty random assortment. I have a bunch of her Marimekko oilcloth tablecloths – I use them every summer when I entertain. I kept a purple glass measuring cup she had that was passed down from her mother. And I wear her favorite philodendron leaf necklace that was a gift from my dad.

And, there is a lot of stuff of hers that I didn’t keep. Her baby book, the plaques and awards she won over the course of her career in education. The memorabilia from her childhood. Her clothes. These are things I don’t have a personal connection to. I won’t use them or display them, so what is the point in keeping them?

I’m not saying that you should get rid of your mom’s baby book. If that item has special meaning for you, then keep it. What I am saying is to approach your loved one’s things with an intent to curate a small collection of items that are meaningful to you and remind you of the person you loved at the same time.Putting intention behind the act of keeping something special to you shows love and honor. Saving everything that was theirs just because they owned it doesn’t. Plus, keeping all that stuff is making it hard to see and appreciate the things that do matter.

I feel pride when I pull out those tablecloths. I smile as I pour out of the vintage measuring cup. And every day I finger the necklace at my throat and think of my mom. Aside from these things (and a few others), I choose to honor my mom’s memory in other ways.

Photo Memories

Y’all pictures are so much better than things for remembering! And they don’t take up nearly as much room (none at all if you digitize your prints!) So when you’re grief decluttering, focus in on the photos. Whenever I’m missing my mom (this whole month, for instance!) I pull out some pictures to bring her back to me.

Pictures are shareable. (Text one to your siblings – ‘remember the time…?’) They help imprint our memories. They capture moments we may have otherwise forgotten. If you are lucky enough to have photos of the person you lost, you can honor them by organizing those photos and making them accessible. Gen X, Boomers and even Millennials have photos – both digital and prints – scattered everywhere from boxes to albums to computers, phones and cloud services. Bringing them all together and organizing them means you can actually enjoy them.

Imagine bringing together all of your loved ones’ belongings so you can sit and stare at them. Not nearly as fun, right? (Maybe try this if the contents of your parents’ house are currently in residence in your garage – let me know how it goes!)Forget the stuff and focus on the person. It’s so much healthier and worthy of respect. But what’s another way to honor your person that doesn’t involve any physical objects at all?

Remembering Rituals

Every year on my mom’s birthday I make the Hipy Papy Bthuthduth Thuthda Bthuthdy cake from the Winnie the Pooh cookbook I got when I was eight. I made it for her birthday many times as a kid, and picked the habit back up when my parents moved up to Seattle after they retired. It is a lovely and delicious way to remember something we shared together, and takes up no room at all in my house!

Here’s another thing I like to do: blast Broadway musicals while I’m cooking. (I can’t do this one all the time because our house has an open floor plan and my husband objects but every once-in-a-while…) This was my mom’s practice and it was fun to join her in the kitchen and sing along. Due to open floor plans and husband’s aversion to loud music I did not keep the tradition going with my own kids, but when I’m missing her I’ll dial up Guys and Dolls on Spotify!

Rituals don’t have to be a big thing, they can be small and subtle like taking a walk in nature, keeping a team loyalty alive (got my lifetime devotion to the SF Giants from my mom!) or connecting with someone else who also loved your person and sharing stories.

The point is, none of these things involve keeping a bunch of belongings – and in my opinion are way more meaningful.

Okay to Let Go

Losing someone close to you like a parent is brutal. So is the thought of grief decluttering. It is reflexive to want to cling to their things. Or feel paralyzed with guilt at the thought of getting rid of them. But there are many ways to show love and keep a memory alive. You don’t have to keep their clutter – it’s okay to let it go.

The post Grief Decluttering: Why You Don’t Need to Keep Everything appeared first on Method Seattle.