I call May the Month of Maureen. My mom’s name was Maureen. Her birthday is May 3. Mother’s Day is a week later. And she died 8 years ago on May 20th. So May is an emotionally loaded month for me, and always gets me thinking about grief decluttering.

In my organizing practice I often see people struggle to let go of things that belonged to a person they lost. When we lose someone we love, the things they owned suddenly take on a new significance. It feels wrong somehow to get rid of them, like a small act of betrayal. But I invite you to consider how you felt about these things when your loved one was alive. Were they important to you? Did they make you smile? Did you even know they existed?

When you lose someone there are a hundred ways to honor them without keeping everything they owned. In fact, keeping all of their stuff isn’t really honoring them at all. Putting intention behind the act of keeping something special to you shows love and honor. Saving everything that was theirs just because they owned it doesn’t. Plus, keeping all that stuff is making it hard to see and appreciate the things that do matter.

In honor of the Month of Maureen, I’m sharing the ways I’ve found to remember and cherish my mom through grief decluttering that don’t involve keeping a bunch of clutter in my house. Maybe you’ll find an idea or two you can use yourself!

A Few Cherished Items

Just to be clear, I have kept some of my mom’s things for myself. Grief decluttering doesn’t mean getting rid of everything. I kept things that simultaneously remind me of her and serve some purpose in my life. It’s a pretty random assortment. I have a bunch of her Marimekko oilcloth tablecloths – I use them every summer when I entertain. I kept a purple glass measuring cup she had that was passed down from her mother. And I wear her favorite philodendron leaf necklace that was a gift from my dad.

And, there is a lot of stuff of hers that I didn’t keep. Her baby book, the plaques and awards she won over the course of her career in education. The memorabilia from her childhood. Her clothes. These are things I don’t have a personal connection to. I won’t use them or display them, so what is the point in keeping them?

I’m not saying that you should get rid of your mom’s baby book. If that item has special meaning for you, then keep it. What I am saying is to approach your loved one’s things with an intent to curate a small collection of items that are meaningful to you and remind you of the person you loved at the same time.Putting intention behind the act of keeping something special to you shows love and honor. Saving everything that was theirs just because they owned it doesn’t. Plus, keeping all that stuff is making it hard to see and appreciate the things that do matter.

I feel pride when I pull out those tablecloths. I smile as I pour out of the vintage measuring cup. And every day I finger the necklace at my throat and think of my mom. Aside from these things (and a few others), I choose to honor my mom’s memory in other ways.

Photo Memories

Y’all pictures are so much better than things for remembering! And they don’t take up nearly as much room (none at all if you digitize your prints!) So when you’re grief decluttering, focus in on the photos. Whenever I’m missing my mom (this whole month, for instance!) I pull out some pictures to bring her back to me.

Pictures are shareable. (Text one to your siblings – ‘remember the time…?’) They help imprint our memories. They capture moments we may have otherwise forgotten. If you are lucky enough to have photos of the person you lost, you can honor them by organizing those photos and making them accessible. Gen X, Boomers and even Millennials have photos – both digital and prints – scattered everywhere from boxes to albums to computers, phones and cloud services. Bringing them all together and organizing them means you can actually enjoy them.

Imagine bringing together all of your loved ones’ belongings so you can sit and stare at them. Not nearly as fun, right? (Maybe try this if the contents of your parents’ house are currently in residence in your garage – let me know how it goes!)Forget the stuff and focus on the person. It’s so much healthier and worthy of respect. But what’s another way to honor your person that doesn’t involve any physical objects at all?

Remembering Rituals

Every year on my mom’s birthday I make the Hipy Papy Bthuthduth Thuthda Bthuthdy cake from the Winnie the Pooh cookbook I got when I was eight. I made it for her birthday many times as a kid, and picked the habit back up when my parents moved up to Seattle after they retired. It is a lovely and delicious way to remember something we shared together, and takes up no room at all in my house!

Here’s another thing I like to do: blast Broadway musicals while I’m cooking. (I can’t do this one all the time because our house has an open floor plan and my husband objects but every once-in-a-while…) This was my mom’s practice and it was fun to join her in the kitchen and sing along. Due to open floor plans and husband’s aversion to loud music I did not keep the tradition going with my own kids, but when I’m missing her I’ll dial up Guys and Dolls on Spotify!

Rituals don’t have to be a big thing, they can be small and subtle like taking a walk in nature, keeping a team loyalty alive (got my lifetime devotion to the SF Giants from my mom!) or connecting with someone else who also loved your person and sharing stories.

The point is, none of these things involve keeping a bunch of belongings – and in my opinion are way more meaningful.

Okay to Let Go

Losing someone close to you like a parent is brutal. So is the thought of grief decluttering. It is reflexive to want to cling to their things. Or feel paralyzed with guilt at the thought of getting rid of them. But there are many ways to show love and keep a memory alive. You don’t have to keep their clutter – it’s okay to let it go.

The post Grief Decluttering: Why You Don’t Need to Keep Everything appeared first on Method Seattle.

I have a trick to help you move past the emotional moments of decluttering. It’s going to sound a little weird but stay with me…. it’s decluttering with self-talk.

Raise your hand if this sounds familiar. You’ve committed to cleaning out your doom closet and you’re cruising along when suddenly you come across something that:

• Was given to you by someone you love
• Cost a lot of money
• Could potentially be useful sometime in the future

Suddenly you’re stuck. You know you don’t have room for this stuff. You know you haven’t used it (or probably even seen it!) in years. Before you realize what’s happening you’ve shoved a bunch of stuff back into the closet and decided you’re done decluttering. Ugh. Too hard.

Here’s the simplest way I know to break that cycle: Talk to yourself out loud. I know. It sounds ridiculous. But it really works.Because the second you say the thought out loud, something shifts. And there’s actual science behind why. Since I’m sure your eyes are still rolling I’m going to explain why this trick works so well to get you over those emotional hurdles. Let’s dig in.

Interrupting the spiral: talk back to yourself

When negative thoughts intrude on your logic, they move quickly and tend to put you in a downward spiral. As long as those thoughts are swirling in your mind there is no counter-argument happening to offset them. That’s where talking out loud comes in.

Research in cognitive psychology shows that putting thoughts into words (called verbalization or self-talk) helps regulate emotions and improves decision-making. You know how writing something down helps you remember it later? That’s because the act of writing sends a signal to your brain that the thing you wrote down is important.Talking to yourself works in a similar way – it triggers the  part of your brain that’s in charge of reasoning & fires it into gear. 

So now you have a counter argument.

You think: “I spent so much money on it, it’s wasteful to give it away”

Now say: “I haven’t used it in years and the money I spent is already gone”

I know it feels weird to argue with yourself but spoken words have power! Decluttering with self-talk is actually you coaching yourself.

Using self-talk it to do the next right thing

Another way decluttering with self-talk works – it helps you slow down so you can focus on the next right step. The negative thought has essentially frozen you in your tracks. To get yourself back into action mode, give yourself verbal instructions and encouragement. There has been lots of research on this with professional athletes. Giving an instruction out loud improves your focus. Encouragement reinforces the action. Let’s get back to that expensive thing that feels hard to declutter. Keep the steps small:

• “I’m letting this go now.”
• “I’m just going to put this in the donation box.”
• “I can keep going”

I recognize this read a bit like one of those ‘See Jane Run’ books we read in first grade. It sounds a little silly, but you get used to it with some practice.

Saying Your Name For The Win

As if you aren’t feeling weird enough at this point, let’s take it one step further! Saying your name as part of the verbalized argument or instruction makes it even more powerful! There is strength in your name, so use it! Here’s another example of how I use decluttering with self-talk on a daily basis to keep me on track.

I use the Two Minute Rule almost daily to keep my to-do list short and my visual clutter at bay. The rule says essentially that if something takes two minutes or less to action, just do it now instead of putting it off. I use it to put things away, take care of small actions like online reservations or paying a bill or even for reaching out to a friend with a question.

Over time, I’ve learned that saying ‘Carrie, two-minute rule’ when I notice something that applies is really effective in moving to action to get the thing done. It works like a trigger!Here’s a specific example. I retrieve the pile of mail from our box and am rifling through it when I come across the garbage bill. It only comes every other month and is the only one of our utility bills that still comes in the mail. Instead of setting it aside as a visual reminder to do it later, I say ‘Carrie, two-minute rule’ to remind myself to just take the two minutes to pay it now. Now it’s one less thing to do later and one less thing sitting on my kitchen counter!

Bossing up to your feelings

The practice of self-talk is well-researched and grounded in neuro-science. Using it in decluttering is win-win. Sure it feels weird at first, but the more you do it, the less weird it feels. Plus y’all, we’re in midlife now and I don’t know about you but I care a lot less about doing weird things!

The words spoken out loud are ultimately more powerful than the feelings swirling in your head. Use them to get yourself past the emotional obstacles of decluttering and build momentum as you go instead of stalling out. You’ll be amazed at what an effective coach you can be to yourself!

The post Decluttering With Self Talk: The Awkward Trick That Works appeared first on Method Seattle.

I am always trying to avoid loss of momentum. In almost anything I’m doing: a client project, training for an event, writing a book, potty training my puppy! The reason I’m scared of losing momentum is because it is such a powerful tool. So much better than motivation. Momentum means you are building on top of success. It means you feel good about what you’ve accomplished and are excited to keep going. It feels empowering and propels you forward. It’s the secret sauce of habit formation. Decluttering momentum is key when you are in midlife.

So what do you do when life gets in the way of that precious momentum? It can happen with anything you are working to achieve but you are especially vulnerable when you decades of stuff you’re trying to declutter. You get sick. You go on vacation. Work gets crazy. Suddenly there isn’t time to declutter and when the time opens up again your motivation is nowhere to be found. This feeling sucks, frankly. And it happens to a lot of people! Us midlifers have a lot to declutter and it’s very easy to fall off the momentum wagon because we aren’t talking about a week-long (or even month-long) project.

This blog is about what to do when you’ve lost your decluttering momentum and procrastination has taken its place. I have a 3 step process to get you back on track, baby! Let’s dig in.

Step 1: Give Yourself Grace

When you lose decluttering momentum, there is often a tendency to self-flagellate.

“I was doing so well”

“I guess I’m just a quitter”

“I knew this project was too big”

Stewing in those stories works against re-starting because your brain begins to take on the identity of someone who is not going to finish what you started, instead of the identity of the person who made it this far.

So if you find yourself stewing, check the facts and give yourself some grace. The fact is you stopped. And another fact is you can start again. Just because you stopped doesn’t make you a ‘quitter’; remove the drama from the soundtrack in your head.

Another fact: shit happens. Stop the self-blame game – you are merely navigating the perils of being a human. Be gentle with yourself, the way you would with another person who was feeling discouraged. Giving yourself grace will help you eventually get back on the horse. I had to use this advice on myself this week as I was reminded that the road to a potty-trained dog never did run smooth.

Step 2: Revisit Your ’Why’

Before losing your decluttering momentum, you surely had a reason why you started this decluttering odyssey in the first place. Perhaps you realized the toll your clutter was taking on your mental health. Maybe there was a room in your home you wanted to repurpose. Or you no longer wanted to be burdened by the mountain of stuff you inherited from your parents.

Whatever your reason, it should serve as your beacon and your touch-stone. Reminding yourself of your purpose helps you to get back into a growth mindset vs. a defeatist shame-spiral. And if you didn’t really have a clear purpose to begin with? Well, now is the time to get clear on the reasons why you are decluttering in the first place. Those reasons provide a  vision of how a clutter-free home will look and feel. Those feelings are what you draw on when you go to hit the Re-Start button!

Step 3: Shrink The Re-Start

If you’ve been following along here for awhile, you’ve heard me extoll the virtues of starting small. To gain decluttering muscle we begin with small spaces, short efforts and small wins. We build on those wins by moving on to bigger spaces and longer sessions.

It may be that you were knee-deep in one of those bigger spaces when you lost your decluttering momentum. Now the thought of picking up where you left off is distasteful to say the least. But here’s the thing, you don’t have to pick up where you left off!

In fact, you can go back to the basics and start small. I guarantee you can find an unintimidating space in your home that could use some decluttering. It could be as simple as dumping out your handbag or cleaning out the glove compartment in your car. Anything that is small enough to reduce the intimidation factor down to zero works fine. You can even pick a space you’ve already decluttered! That ensures it will have a zero intimidation factor!  Remember, you are re-engaging with your project by first building back the decluttering muscle you lost.

If the thought of starting again feels overwhelming, that is an indication that the place you are starting is too big.

The chances are good that your muscle memory will bounce back. Before you know it you’ll be able to attack that basement and momentum will again be yours. Stopping and starting is just a part of life. Especially midlife, when we are all talking about years and years of clutter buildup. The sooner you move from decision to action, the sooner you’ll enjoy the many benefits of momentum!

The post Lost Your Decluttering Momentum? Try This 3-Step Reset appeared first on Method Seattle.

One of the reasons midlife is such a great time to declutter is the number of transitions that happen around this time in our lives. In fact, you can strategically use decluttering to approach the transition proactively. That puts you in the driver’s seat both logistically and mentally. 

Midlife transitions usually come with heavy emotions that can be tough to navigate. When you leverage the opportunity to declutter you take back some control of a situation that can feel destabilizing. That sense of control helps you to find the positives of the transition that might otherwise be elusive and focus on them. Let’s take a look at three common midlife transitions that represent the perfect chance to use decluttering as a way through the chaos.

Transition #1: The Empty Nest

The emptying of the nest tends to be the most gradual of midlife transitions. First the kids leave the nest temporarily to attend college, boomeranging back home on breaks. Then as they finish school, some may come back home to live for a stretch. And finally, the last kid moves out and your home is yours again!

So many parents find this transition so emotionally difficult. For two-plus decades our lifestyle revolved around our kids. We still love them to pieces and miss having them around. Keeping their stuff around helps us feel connected to both the young and adult versions of them. This is fine for a while but eventually it becomes a weight that keeps us anchored in the past.

If you make the decision to declutter your empty nest, you’ll experience the happy confluence of a nostalgic romp down memory lane and a view towards an exciting new future. As you curate a collection of memories to save for your kids, you can experience their childhood again. And as you let go of the stuff that isn’t important, you create space to make your home your own again.

Maybe that space is a studio or a home gym. Maybe it’s a gear room for your outdoor adventures or a dedicated office for your work-from-home life. Or maybe you want to leverage your home as an asset on Home Exchange or Trusted Housesitters so extra guest rooms are in order. The point is, your home can play a pivotal role in defining the next phase of your life. So decluttering your empty nest can be both cathartic and illuminating!

Transition #2: Moving

I work with so many clients who are planning a move in midlife. These moves come in all shapes and sizes. Some are preparing for a midlife upgrade to a dream home they’ve been working to afford. Some are downsizing and prioritizing their resources to afford travel or a vacation home. And many are simply relocating to be closer to family and friends.

Whatever the driver, moving is the king of midlife transitions because it reveals just how much stuff we’ve accumulated over the years. Even people who swear they have no clutter are utterly humbled when they begin the packing process and realize how much crap they are paying someone to move for them. It is overwhelming and often paralyzing – that’s when they call me! But here’s the rub: while decluttering all that stuff may feel overwhelming by it’s sheer volume, it is actually creating less work and less waste (time, monetary, energy, etc.) in the overall process. Why? Because you aren’t spending time, money and physical/mental energy moving a bunch of stuff you don’t need and won’t use in your new home. Truth, it will feel like more work initially! But you will coast down the back half of the move like a boss.

Plus, the process itself helps you to clarify what is important to you as you enter this new home and new chapter. As you cast off the old, you make room for the new. Sloughing off all the camping gear you haven’t used in years means you can park 2 cars in your new garage! Casting away all the neglected one-off appliances means your new kitchen counters can be clear and calming. Letting go of all your mismatched bedlinens makes it so easy to set up a beautiful linen closet that is a pleasure to open. You can curate the life you want to live in your new space, plus leave some space for the upgrades you deserve!

Transition #3: Divorce

This midlife transition is no fun for anyone. No matter the circumstances, getting divorced in midlife means dividing up a shared history amidst an avalanche of feelings. It is the most destabilizing of the transitions we are visiting here. There are 3 positives decluttering brings to someone going through a divorce.

First you are taking back control of something at a time when you may be feeling untethered and adrift. Taking control over physical stuff breeds empowerment, which leads to stabilization. Next positive; you often have an extra boost of motivation during a divorce due to the presence of negative energy. Using that negative energy towards a positive outcome is productive. And the truth is you are going to have to go through all of your shared stuff at some point anyway. Doing it now, while you have the motivation is a good way to work through your emotions.

Lastly, decluttering represents an opportunity to divest from anything that carries negative association. What do you want to surround yourself with when you start fresh? What are the things you own that bring you joy, and which ones bring you down? Ridding yourself of the negative associations through decluttering will help accelerate the healing process.

Transitions are essentially clearing away the old to make room for the new. Decluttering is a way to set yourself up for success at the start of something new. Bringing with you what is important from the past with room to grow in a new direction for the future is how you’ll win at these midlife transitions!

The post Navigating Midlife Transitions Using the Power of Decluttering appeared first on Method Seattle.

One of the reasons decluttering in midlife can be so challenging is that we are navigating a double-whammy situation. On one hand we are reckoning with the decades-long buildup of our own stuff. And if that isn’t overwhelming enough, we are now inheriting clutter from our parents as well. Ugh, it’s a lot – literally and figuratively!

Raise your hand if you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of furniture, keepsakes, and “important things” that once belonged to your parents. These items often arrive with stories, expectations, and unspoken (or spoken!) obligations attached. What to do about this when you’re working so

 hard to make a dent in your own clutter?

I have some suggestions, but warning – they all require some degree of courage. Sadly, there is no easy hack for navigating this situation. But an awareness of the underlying dynamics at play can help you manage your own position in this little family drama.

What Mattered to Them vs. What Mattered to You

When parents pass items on to their children, it’s rarely about the object itself. It’s about memory, identity, legacy, and love. To them, you aren’t inheriting clutter, you’re inheriting a legacy. These belongings mattered to them, and giving them to you feels to them like a way of preserving meaning.

But just because something mattered to your parent(s) doesn’t mean it has to matter to you. After all, you are different people! You share a family legacy but that doesn’t equate to a carbon copy of memories. It sounds simple, but accepting this premise is the first step to holding a boundary around what you would like to take and what you won’t. Just because they owned it, saved it, inherited it does not require you to do the same.

That said, there are probably some items from your parents that do hold meaning for you. They could be things you loved as a child or represent a shared memory. Or maybe you have always appreciated the beauty of something and would like to have it someday. File these things in your mental Rolodex, they can come in handy later on.

When your parents ask if you would like to have item ‘X’ and it’s something you don’t want, here’s what to do. First, validate their feelings by acknowledging the emotional weight the item holds for them. 

“I can tell this really matters to you — you’ve had it for a long time and there’s a lot tied up in it.”

Next, be honest about what fits into your life, space and capacity right now.

“I’m trying to be honest about what I can actually take on right now, and I just don’t have the space or energy to keep this.”

Finally, mention some of the items that hold special meaning to you and how you’d like to have those someday to carry on the family legacy.

“There are a few things that really mean something to me — like [item] — and those are the things I’d love to hold onto one day.”

These conversations are tricky, for sure. Remember you aren’t responsible for other people’s feelings (this is ‘says easy, does hard’, I know!) But what about your own?

When Guilt Shows Up

Even if your aim is to avoid inheriting clutter, guilt is bound to show up. Maybe your parents are masters at the art of passive-aggressive guilt trips. Or maybe they graciously accept your position and your guilt is stemming from your own internal struggle. Either way, remember that feelings can be hard to handle, but they won’t kill you!

You can let that guilt in for a bit (it’s only visiting!) and then escort it out. It’s okay to feel it, just don’t let it drive your actions. Here are some counters to help you with your own internal dialogue. (Note: it really helps when you say them out loud.)

‘Not keeping this feels like I’m rejecting my mom’

Counter: ‘I love my mom and letting go of this thing does not change that truth.’

‘They saved this especially for me, how can I not want to keep it?’

Counter: ‘I appreciate the sentiment behind the gesture and it does not obligate me to keep something I don’t want.’

‘I’m disrespecting the family legacy.’

Counter: ‘Family is important to me and I don’t need to treat every item someone once owned like an heirloom.’
Accepting uncomfortable feelings as feelings vs. facts is the key to releasing the guilt. And once you’ve conquered your feelings it’s time to look ahead to when you’ll be playing the part of the bequeathing parent!

Your Turn Is Coming

Once you’ve been through the cycle of inheriting clutter with your own parents, you’ll hopefully have a whole new perspective when it comes to all of the ‘treasures’ you’ve been saving for your own kids! Oh, how the tables will turn!

Someday it will be your turn to offer up family heirlooms and items that hold so much meaning for you. And inevitably they will not want everything you have saved! The things they do accept will likely be associated with people they actually knew (e.g. their grandparents vs. yours) or memories they actually remember (e.g. a painting that hung in your home vs. a portrait of a relative that resided in a box in your basement.) They are independent adults with distinct tastes; and their tastes may be different than yours!

So when the time comes to try and pass things down, keep these helpful mantras in your pocket:

‘If my kids don’t want things I saved for them, it’s not a reflection of how much they love me’

‘They will have memories, even if they don’t keep things.’

‘Different generations have different attachments to physical items.’
My guess is you’ll have an easier time not taking things personally. Because you lived through the experience from the other side! You know that not accepting the dining table your grandfather made has nothing to do with how much you love your parents. And so the cycle of inherited clutter will be broken. Amen!

The post Breaking the Cycle: A Midlife Guide to Inheriting Clutter Mindfully appeared first on Method Seattle.

Have you ever dreaded doing something and put it off for months, only to have it take just a few minutes when you finally forced yourself to take care of it? What is going on there? Why do we all do this?  Why is it so hard to get started decluttering?!

I am not a psychologist or expert on the brain. But I know from experience and working with many, many clients over the years that anticipation can really mess with us when it comes to getting stuff done. And the reason I come upon this so often is because decluttering is something that many people dread, so they keep kicking it down the road.

Here’s the thing. Our greatest fears lurk in anticipation. While we nurse them they grow bigger and bigger, and farther away from reality. But I really want you to be able to begin peeling back the many layers of clutter that have built up in your home over the last 20-30 years. So I’m dropping 3 strategies to get you to the decluttering start line.

Strategy #1: Shorten the distance between decision and action

The first strategy to get started decluttering is to nip anticipation in the bud. Before it has time to gather strength and blossom into procrastination. How do you do that? By shortening the amount of time between decision and action.

For example, when you make the decision to clean out your closet – commit to  a time on your calendar. You know there are shoes you haven’t put on in years and jeans that don’t fit and probably some stuff you never wore that still has price tags attached. It sounds pretty bad in your head, so you think ‘I’ll get to it at some point.’ Stop right there! Actually commit to a date. Make sure the date is not too far away.

Why? Because the less time you have to ruminate on the shoes and the jeans and the money you’ve ‘wasted’, the less intimidating the act of decluttering that stuff will be. It’s always worse in your head. And the longer it’s in your thoughts the worse it grows.When you move quickly to action, you skip all that drama and it’s just another thing you can cross off your to-do list.

Strategy #2: Use a timer to negotiate with your brain

Here’s another way to get started decluttering. Have you ever heard a coach say ‘you can do anything for (insert short time commitment) minutes’? I hear it all the time, and that’s because it’s true! When you put a time limit on something you aren’t looking forward to it’s like a little negotiation with your brain. When you know that no matter what happens, this thing you don’t want to do is going to be over soon – it’s a signal to your brain that it’s safe to proceed.

I have this timer (pictured) that is like a little magic box. It works like any other timer. But for some reason my brain responds to it so I use it a lot when I ‘have to’ do something. Could be decluttering my freezer, could be practicing piano, could be swapping my closet for Spring. If the job seems too big and scary in my head – I put a time limit on it and it ceases to be scary. Because I can do anything for 15 minutes!

Back to our closet example – if anticipation has got you feeling overwhelmed, pick a single category and set a timer. When the timer goes off, you are allowed to stop – no matter how far you got. Often, you will find that you are fine to keep going after your time is up (I almost always am!) But the timer got you to the start line, which was the biggest obstacle in your path.

Strategy #3: Create a positive association

Okay you’ve put the closet declutter on your calendar and you’ve set your timer, great! But ugh it still feels hard to get started decluttering. That’s where this last strategy comes in. It’s time to add something attractive to the mix. Instead of dreading your closet declutter – why not give it some party vibes? Crank up some tunes for starters. (For my own closet, I prefer dance music – better for try-on parties!)

Another positive element to make this ‘chore’ feel more attractive to your brain is something yummy to drink. Could be a latte, some kombucha or even champagne if that’s your vibe! Sipping while working, it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it’s helping you get to the finish line.

My last suggestion for adding positive elements to create positive neural pathways is selecting a reward for yourself when you finish. And since we are hanging out in your closet right now, a perfect reward is a new purchase!

These small acts play a big role in associating the act of decluttering with positive feelings. When you plan for them ahead of time, it makes it easier to get yourself to the start line and more fun while you’re working.

Time To Get Started!

Are you feeling any of these strategies? Feel free to test any of them out, or go for all 3 and watch what happens! The point is that decluttering doesn’t have to be this horrible chore that you dread. If you can neutralize the big scary anticipation monster in your head, you will not only get yourself to the start line, you fly past it and then you can let momentum take over! (P.S. I used your closet as an example in this blog. If your closet is on your list of places to declutter you may want to check out my Bedroom & Closet Room Guide 😉)

The post Get Started Decluttering: 3 Simple Shifts to Beat Procrastination appeared first on Method Seattle.

Why is it that every January we feel the need to start the year off right away with the pressure of New Year’s Resolutions? It is well-documented that most people have either given up on or lost track of their resolutions by March, and then 9 months go by until it’s time to put the pressure back on again. In my opinion, New Year’s Resolutions need a re-brand. We need to de-pressurize the experience and shift the focus away from Big Hairy Goals and toward the small things we can do to achieve them.

By far the number one challenge people have with decluttering in midlife is being overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff they have accumulated over the past several decades. And thus, while they may have a resolution to declutter their whole home, they rarely get very far before burning out. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The midlife decluttering journey often begins with too much pressure and not enough strategy.

In looking back at my own accomplishments this past year – I’ve noticed that my wins came, not from looking up at my Big Hairy Goals, but from keeping my focus down on doing the small things consistently. When I did that, I reached my goals by default. The same mindset can transform your midlife decluttering journey—it’s about showing up consistently, not perfectly.

I credit this approach with my 3 biggest accomplishments in 2025. One was a resolution, one was an opportunity and one was an unplanned loss that I had to come back from. If you are someone who is feeling overwhelmed by the thought of decluttering, read on! In these stories you should find much to apply to your own situation.

The Half Marathon

My resolution coming into 2025 was to run a Half Marathon. Two of my friends from high school committed to do the event with me. I should preface by saying that I’m not someone who has always loved running. In fact, for most of my life I avoided it. I never imagined myself running long distances and the 13+ miles for this race did not feel doable when I signed up.

So, instead of thinking about scary total distance and how it felt impossible, I began slowly adding distance to the runs I was already doing. I did it in small increments so it was barely noticeable. Then when I got to the actual race, it just felt like one of the long runs I’d been doing.

It was like magic!

The Book

Back in January of this year an editor reached out and asked if I’d ever considered writing a book. So exciting! I said ‘yes please’ and felt confident that with my weekly blog habit a book would be no problem. Except that writing a book is a LOT of work – and when my editor gave me a word-count range I felt totally overwhelmed. How was I possibly going to write that much!

It was not productive to worry about how I was ever going to write 30K words, so instead I focused on plotting out time blocks to write, over and above what I already blocked out to write my blog.Once I was actually writing, it just kind of flowed out of me (as we know, I can go on for hours about decluttering!) Bit by little bit, I reached the 30K milestone without any of the drama I’d envisioned at the beginning. Yes, it was hard at times, but what I learned is that I can do hard things! That lesson is key to your own midlife decluttering journey—progress builds as you move forward, word by word, drawer by drawer.

The Scam

Back in July (just as I was completing that Half Marathon!) I fell for a scam in which I thought I had been invited on a big celebrity podcast. Because I’d been a guest on multiple podcasts over the last 6 months I was a perfect target for this scammer. The details of the scam are too many to go into here but the upshot is that I lost my entire Facebook following of 250K people. Poof – gone. What I felt was complete panic – ‘How am I ever going to get them all back?’ It felt impossible because I’d spent so long building up to that big number.

What I didn’t realize was how much social media muscle I’d built over the time I was growing that big following. So when I had to begin from scratch, I wasn’t starting at ground zero. I knew how to reach people, I knew the biggest decluttering issues they face. I knew the kind of coaching they were looking for. So that’s what I gave them. And while it took a minute for the flywheel to start spinning – four months later I have 115K followers and counting and know I’ll be back up to that 250K in no time. Because I focused on the small efforts instead of the big number. And that’s exactly what works on the midlife decluttering journey, too—resilience, patience, and showing up again.

Decluttering Your Home

So what does all this have to do with decluttering your home? Because we are in midlife we have had a lot of years to accumulate stuff. For that reason the thought of decluttering your home may feel overwhelming, which is why you haven’t started. My recommendation is to start small, build your decluttering muscle, take your time and put your focus on the next area on your list instead of the whole house. Even those small efforts at the beginning are going to have a positive impact on your home and your mindset, preparing you for the bigger stuff later on. And before you know it, you’ll have a beautifully decluttered home that is a joy to spend time in. Plus, you’ll have space to enjoy the things that matter most.

If this sounds good but you’d like additional support in the form of a structured roadmap, check out my Beginner’s Decluttering Blueprint – it’s for sale in my shop and has all the tips and tricks to make the process as painless and efficient as possible! 

Happy New Year and Happy Decluttering!

The post Forget Resolutions—Start Your Midlife Decluttering Journey with Tiny Wins appeared first on Method Seattle.

Receiving unwanted gifts when you are a midlifer who has been on a decluttering journey hits different. There is heightened awareness around what comes into your house. There is clarity of knowing what has relevance in your life today. And of course there is the mental negotiation of where and how to store something new that has come into your life.

It can be tricky to navigate all of this newfound awareness during a season where the gifts are coming fast and furious from multiple directions. You may find yourself reflexively irritated with the giver for saddling you with something you know will become clutter. You’ve been working so hard to rid your home of the flotsam, and now here comes more stuff to clutter it back up!This is where I say, ‘woooah there Nelly’ – it’s great that you have developed some new neural pathways that have helped you make so much decluttering progress. And it’s okay to let your guard down a little and gratefully receive what is coming to you in this season of giving. I’m going to tell you how, with the help of Miss Manners, a.k.a. Judith Martin.

What To Say When You Receive Unwanted Gifts

Miss Manners is very clear on this point, and I quote:

“All that needs to be said about a present that does not please is a hearty thanks”

• Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners)

That’s all! You don’t make a face. You don’t refuse the gift. You don’t mention the decluttering journey you’ve been on. You merely say ‘Thank You’ and mean it. Because, Gentle Friends, it truly is the thought that counts. Instead of focusing on the potential of clutter in your home, pivot to the sentiment inherent in the gesture of giving a gift. Feel the love and do the next right thing of accepting with gratitude.

Don’t worry, we are going to get to the fate of that gift in a moment. For now, you are detaching from the outcome of what happens in the future and centering on the acts of giving and receiving that are happening right now.

What to do with Unwanted Gifts

Now that you have acted with grace and respect for the feelings of the giver, the gift is in your possession and its fate is up to you. It is okay if you know already that, in your home, this thing is clutter. Because I have a little ritual for you to follow that is designed to keep the clutter at bay while also protecting the feelings of the giver and your own peace!

Here is what I do each year:

First, I set the gift aside in a spot I have designated specifically for gifts that won’t be staying. In my house it is a rolling wooden drawer that resides under the bed in my room. Then I wait a reasonable amount of time (one or two months, tops) until one of the following happens:

• I suddenly realize I will use it/do like it/definitely need it
• I remember someone who may specifically benefit from it/appreciate it

Once the respectable amount of time is up, I feel free to return, regift or donate, whichever makes the most sense. If donation is the final outcome, I just fold the items into the donation box I always keep handy in my garage. When the box is full, I head to the donation drop! Here’s where that decluttering awareness comes back into play and benefits you once again. Because you’ve been working so hard to clear your home of clutter, you know exactly what to do with it! Now that you have done the hard part (designating these gifts as clutter), the rest is just following the process you have been consistently practicing! It’s a beautiful thing, really.

How to Prepare For the Giving Season

The key to avoiding all the stress that comes with unwanted gifts is preparing for it. Mentally and with a plan in place. It is easier to gratefully accept a gift you don’t want or need if you are expecting it and have a plan in place to process it.

My husband was a teacher for many years. Every December he would come home flush with candy, Best Teacher mugs and Starbucks gift cards. The gift cards he would use, but everything else would sit around in our kitchen, piling up as the weeks went by. I would feel terrible all month, knowing we wouldn’t eat the candy or use the mugs. After a few years of this I got smart and entered December prepared with 2 boxes. One was for the candy and one was for anything donatable. The candy box went back to school with my husband, who deposited its contents in the Teacher’s Lounge for all t0 enjoy. The other box went with me on my donation run. No more piles on my counters and no more Candy Guilt. It’s all handled and ceases to cause me any anxiety.

So anticipate that you will receive some clutter in this season of giving. Appreciate the sentiment behind the gifts. Designate a spot for them. And have a plan to remove them when the time comes!

The post Unwanted Gifts? Here’s How to Handle Them With Grace appeared first on Method Seattle.

I recently had an epiphany about why some people have such a hard time following through on their decluttering goals. It came in the form of an exchange I had with a coaching client, who was making good progress on her journey but had gotten stuck and needed help. Here is what she wrote:

I get stuck on the little things…isn’t this sad?  I have boxes and boxes of half used office supplies….pens, Post-its, paperclips, scissors, tape, envelopes, blank greeting cards.  I’m sure if I threw it all away it would come to no more than $50 value, but I spend hours, days, trying to find the best home, the perfect donation recipient, the empty drawer for all the little things that have no home.

So many folks struggle with a version of this hidden emotional trap: ‘what is going to happen to the things I declutter after I let them go?’ I see (and hear) it all the time. So what is the solution to this tricky problem? Detaching from the outcome.

This is a concept that comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT.) It is a mindset that helps to reduce emotional suffering when you can’t control how things turn out. Let’s take a little tour through the basics of this mindset so you can use it if the need arises.

Why You’re So Attached To The Outcome

Do any of these sound familiar?

“I can’t donate this until I know someone will love it as much as I did.”
“I’ll let it go once I find the right person for it.”
“I can’t throw it away — it feels wasteful.”

Letting something go without knowing it’s exact fate after you do feels like a betrayal of values. And that’s what stops you in your tracks. Your intentions are good, but the attachment to the future outcome prevents you from achieving your decluttering goals.

Attachment to outcomes can come disguised as responsibility, sentimentality, and even anxiety. It’s not laziness, it’s care that has tipped into control. So if you’ve ever said, “I can’t let this go until I know it’s going to someone who deserves it,” you’re not being sentimental — you’re being outcome-attached. And now that you can recognize when it’s happening, you can practice detachment.

What Detaching From The Outcome Looks Like

In DBT they teach ‘Do the next right thing and release the rest.’ So letting go of the thing(s) you are decluttering is the ‘next right thing.’ Once you’ve done that you need to release yourself completely from what happens next. Here’s what that looks like:

• First, notice what is happening in your brain: ‘I can’t let this go because…’
• Next, move to Wise Mind. ‘It’s okay to care about this and it’s okay to let it go’
• Now, Radical Acceptance. ‘I can’t control what happens next.’
• Finally, do the next right thing. ‘I’ll donate it and let that be enough.’

This takes some practice, but just like every other new skill, it gets easier over time.

How to Practice Detaching From The Outcome

Detaching from the outcome is a mindset shift. And mindset shifts usually require lots of coaching. If you are shifting your mindset without a coach, here are some scripts you can use to practice. Keep them handy when you’re decluttering – this mindset shift stuff doesn’t just happen because you read a blog or article, you actually have to practice it!

Notice the attachment to outcome: “I’m worried about what will happen to this item after I’ve let it go”

Before letting go: “I’ve done my part to rehome this item.”
When guilt hits: “It’s okay to care and still release.”
When uncertainty creeps in: “This item’s story continues without me.”

The more you do it, the better you get at noticing the intrusive thought and flipping the script in your head. Decluttering is the perfect activity to practice this skill because it’s pretty obvious when it’s happening – but this is a skill you can apply in lots of areas of your life! (for instance, I use it in my practice of parenting adult children!)

More Resources

If you’re interested in diving deeper I have a terrific book to recommend. It’s Stress Resets, by Jennifer L. Taitz, PsyD, ABPP. It’s very digestible, structured as great advice for specific situations and I use it all the time with clients and to coach myself through hard moments! And if you struggle with the emotional side of decluttering, my online course Clearing Emotional Clutter dives deeper into exactly this kind of mindset work and how it relates specifically to decluttering.

When you detach from the outcome while decluttering, you’re not just releasing your stuff – you’re releasing yourself from the mental grip that keeps you tethered to it. And once you’ve made space for the things that matter, you can trust that what you’ve released will find its way to what’s next, whatever that is ❤️

The post Detaching from the Outcome: The Decluttering Skill No One Talks About appeared first on Method Seattle.

I’m writing this the morning after the Dodgers won their 2nd World Series in a row. I have to say, it’s been a rough 12 hours (and that includes sleeping!) I won’t go into the many reasons why I’m sad (I’m a die-hard Giants fan, the richest team is winning, I can’t stand Blake Snell, etc.) But it’s times like this that I need to call on specific strategies to get me out of the mental slump. These boosting strategies are not just for baseball fans – they can come in very handy when you are decluttering, too. Oh and maybe your main focus right now is merely getting through the upcoming holiday season with your nerves intact. In that spirit, I’ve decided to use this month’s Mixed Bag to share them. Take what you need and leave the rest – welcome to the November Mixed Bag!

Boosting Strategy No. 1: Give Yourself a Hug

Well, not a physical hug (though I guess you could if it works for you!) What I mean is a figurative hug. Something that makes you feel warm and loved when the going is rough. There are multiple ways to accomplish this. 

One of my favorite boosting strategies is watching a favorite movie I’ve seen a million times, one where the characters feel like old friends. Or if you don’t have a list of your own, you could pick from one of mine below:

Something To Talk About

You’ve Got Mail

First Wives Club

The Way Way Back

Dan in Real Life

And if you have a stressful family holiday in your future, I recommend Home For The Holidays.

Another comforting way to give yourself a hug is through music. If you’re glumly going through mundane chores like folding laundry, cleaning or paying bills, a good playlist can help boost your mood. I’ve created this one on Spotify – you are welcome to use it (looking at you, Blue Jays fans.) Music is powerful, so tapping into its magic is really effective. Which is why I always recommend it as a backdrop for decluttering!

And lastly, if you just need a quick boost – I discovered a book this year called The Comfort Book. It has helped me through many a blue day. Curl up on the couch with this puppy for a few minutes and I guarantee you will feel at least marginally better!

Boosting Strategy No. 2: Say It Out Loud

This boosting strategy requires a bit of context. When you are feeling weighed down by emotions that are preventing you from doing what you need to do – talk to yourself. Yes, you read that right. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.

Talking to yourself out loud sends a signal to the part of your brain that controls reason and fires it up. So arguing with an uncomfortable feeling or telling yourself what you’re going to do next literally helps you do the thing that’s hard to do. Here’s a decluttering example:

You’re considering decluttering something you haven’t used in years but you spent a lot of money on it back in the day. As you are thinking about the ‘lost’ money you remind yourself (out loud) – ‘Carrie, the money was gone when you spent it 10 years ago and keeping this thing is not going to bring it back.’

I also like to use it as a productivity booster when I’m not feeling motivated. I will literally tell myself what to do next: ‘I am now going to go over to the piano and practice for 30 minutes.’ And as a bonus, once you’ve used this booster a few times you are actually forging new neural pathways in your brain, which make it easier the next time you have to do a hard thing!

Boosting Strategy No. 3: A Countdown

I am a planner at heart, which means I’m always looking ahead. One of the boosting strategies I love to employ when I need to get my ass in gear is to give myself a countdown of how many days I have left before I need to get something done. It’s a booster that spurs me to action, and action is where the magic happens. Here are a few examples of how I’m using this booster for the holiday season ahead.

• 53 days until I play 3 Christmas carols on the piano while my friends and family sing along
• 24 days to refresh & prep my guest spaces before houseguests arrive
• 33 days left to make reservations and buy tickets for my weekend in NYC with my daughter

When I write these down it gives me comfort (because I have time) and also spurs me to get going (because I don’t have that much time!)

If you’ve had a decluttering project on your list for this year that is still stubbornly sitting in draft form, let me give you a countdown. You have 60 days left in 2025 to get it done! Granted, there are some pretty busy days in there but if you break the project down into smaller pieces that’s plenty of time to get it done!

We all need boosting strategies to help get us out of the mental valleys we experience from time to time. The holiday season (or a World Series loss!) can be a pretty deep valley – hoping you can use one or all of these strategies to give yourself a boost!

The post November Mixed Bag: 3 Boosting Strategies to Lift Your Mood and Motivation This Season appeared first on Method Seattle.