Unwanted Gifts? Here’s How to Handle Them With Grace

Receiving unwanted gifts when you are a midlifer who has been on a decluttering journey hits different. There is heightened awareness around what comes into your house. There is clarity of knowing what has relevance in your life today. And of course there is the mental negotiation of where and how to store something new that has come into your life.

It can be tricky to navigate all of this newfound awareness during a season where the gifts are coming fast and furious from multiple directions. You may find yourself reflexively irritated with the giver for saddling you with something you know will become clutter. You’ve been working so hard to rid your home of the flotsam, and now here comes more stuff to clutter it back up!This is where I say, ‘woooah there Nelly’ – it’s great that you have developed some new neural pathways that have helped you make so much decluttering progress. And it’s okay to let your guard down a little and gratefully receive what is coming to you in this season of giving. I’m going to tell you how, with the help of Miss Manners, a.k.a. Judith Martin.

What To Say When You Receive Unwanted Gifts

Miss Manners is very clear on this point, and I quote:

“All that needs to be said about a present that does not please is a hearty thanks”

• Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners)

That’s all! You don’t make a face. You don’t refuse the gift. You don’t mention the decluttering journey you’ve been on. You merely say ‘Thank You’ and mean it. Because, Gentle Friends, it truly is the thought that counts. Instead of focusing on the potential of clutter in your home, pivot to the sentiment inherent in the gesture of giving a gift. Feel the love and do the next right thing of accepting with gratitude.

Don’t worry, we are going to get to the fate of that gift in a moment. For now, you are detaching from the outcome of what happens in the future and centering on the acts of giving and receiving that are happening right now.

What to do with Unwanted Gifts

Now that you have acted with grace and respect for the feelings of the giver, the gift is in your possession and its fate is up to you. It is okay if you know already that, in your home, this thing is clutter. Because I have a little ritual for you to follow that is designed to keep the clutter at bay while also protecting the feelings of the giver and your own peace!

Here is what I do each year:

First, I set the gift aside in a spot I have designated specifically for gifts that won’t be staying. In my house it is a rolling wooden drawer that resides under the bed in my room. Then I wait a reasonable amount of time (one or two months, tops) until one of the following happens:

• I suddenly realize I will use it/do like it/definitely need it
• I remember someone who may specifically benefit from it/appreciate it

Once the respectable amount of time is up, I feel free to return, regift or donate, whichever makes the most sense. If donation is the final outcome, I just fold the items into the donation box I always keep handy in my garage. When the box is full, I head to the donation drop! Here’s where that decluttering awareness comes back into play and benefits you once again. Because you’ve been working so hard to clear your home of clutter, you know exactly what to do with it! Now that you have done the hard part (designating these gifts as clutter), the rest is just following the process you have been consistently practicing! It’s a beautiful thing, really.

How to Prepare For the Giving Season

The key to avoiding all the stress that comes with unwanted gifts is preparing for it. Mentally and with a plan in place. It is easier to gratefully accept a gift you don’t want or need if you are expecting it and have a plan in place to process it.

My husband was a teacher for many years. Every December he would come home flush with candy, Best Teacher mugs and Starbucks gift cards. The gift cards he would use, but everything else would sit around in our kitchen, piling up as the weeks went by. I would feel terrible all month, knowing we wouldn’t eat the candy or use the mugs. After a few years of this I got smart and entered December prepared with 2 boxes. One was for the candy and one was for anything donatable. The candy box went back to school with my husband, who deposited its contents in the Teacher’s Lounge for all t0 enjoy. The other box went with me on my donation run. No more piles on my counters and no more Candy Guilt. It’s all handled and ceases to cause me any anxiety.

So anticipate that you will receive some clutter in this season of giving. Appreciate the sentiment behind the gifts. Designate a spot for them. And have a plan to remove them when the time comes!