Decluttering With Self Talk: The Awkward Trick That Works

I have a trick to help you move past the emotional moments of decluttering. It’s going to sound a little weird but stay with me…. it’s decluttering with self-talk.

Raise your hand if this sounds familiar. You’ve committed to cleaning out your doom closet and you’re cruising along when suddenly you come across something that:

• Was given to you by someone you love
• Cost a lot of money
• Could potentially be useful sometime in the future

Suddenly you’re stuck. You know you don’t have room for this stuff. You know you haven’t used it (or probably even seen it!) in years. Before you realize what’s happening you’ve shoved a bunch of stuff back into the closet and decided you’re done decluttering. Ugh. Too hard.

Here’s the simplest way I know to break that cycle: Talk to yourself out loud. I know. It sounds ridiculous. But it really works.Because the second you say the thought out loud, something shifts. And there’s actual science behind why. Since I’m sure your eyes are still rolling I’m going to explain why this trick works so well to get you over those emotional hurdles. Let’s dig in.

Interrupting the spiral: talk back to yourself

When negative thoughts intrude on your logic, they move quickly and tend to put you in a downward spiral. As long as those thoughts are swirling in your mind there is no counter-argument happening to offset them. That’s where talking out loud comes in.

Research in cognitive psychology shows that putting thoughts into words (called verbalization or self-talk) helps regulate emotions and improves decision-making. You know how writing something down helps you remember it later? That’s because the act of writing sends a signal to your brain that the thing you wrote down is important.Talking to yourself works in a similar way – it triggers the  part of your brain that’s in charge of reasoning & fires it into gear. 

So now you have a counter argument.

You think: “I spent so much money on it, it’s wasteful to give it away”

Now say: “I haven’t used it in years and the money I spent is already gone”

I know it feels weird to argue with yourself but spoken words have power! Decluttering with self-talk is actually you coaching yourself.

Using self-talk it to do the next right thing

Another way decluttering with self-talk works – it helps you slow down so you can focus on the next right step. The negative thought has essentially frozen you in your tracks. To get yourself back into action mode, give yourself verbal instructions and encouragement. There has been lots of research on this with professional athletes. Giving an instruction out loud improves your focus. Encouragement reinforces the action. Let’s get back to that expensive thing that feels hard to declutter. Keep the steps small:

• “I’m letting this go now.”
• “I’m just going to put this in the donation box.”
• “I can keep going”

I recognize this read a bit like one of those ‘See Jane Run’ books we read in first grade. It sounds a little silly, but you get used to it with some practice.

Saying Your Name For The Win

As if you aren’t feeling weird enough at this point, let’s take it one step further! Saying your name as part of the verbalized argument or instruction makes it even more powerful! There is strength in your name, so use it! Here’s another example of how I use decluttering with self-talk on a daily basis to keep me on track.

I use the Two Minute Rule almost daily to keep my to-do list short and my visual clutter at bay. The rule says essentially that if something takes two minutes or less to action, just do it now instead of putting it off. I use it to put things away, take care of small actions like online reservations or paying a bill or even for reaching out to a friend with a question.

Over time, I’ve learned that saying ‘Carrie, two-minute rule’ when I notice something that applies is really effective in moving to action to get the thing done. It works like a trigger!Here’s a specific example. I retrieve the pile of mail from our box and am rifling through it when I come across the garbage bill. It only comes every other month and is the only one of our utility bills that still comes in the mail. Instead of setting it aside as a visual reminder to do it later, I say ‘Carrie, two-minute rule’ to remind myself to just take the two minutes to pay it now. Now it’s one less thing to do later and one less thing sitting on my kitchen counter!

Bossing up to your feelings

The practice of self-talk is well-researched and grounded in neuro-science. Using it in decluttering is win-win. Sure it feels weird at first, but the more you do it, the less weird it feels. Plus y’all, we’re in midlife now and I don’t know about you but I care a lot less about doing weird things!

The words spoken out loud are ultimately more powerful than the feelings swirling in your head. Use them to get yourself past the emotional obstacles of decluttering and build momentum as you go instead of stalling out. You’ll be amazed at what an effective coach you can be to yourself!