Moving in Midlife? Read This Before You Box Anything

Moving in midlife hits different. Actually, it hits harder – way harder. Because we’ve been living in our current homes for quite some time. And the clutter has accumulated. Decades of paperwork, mystery cords, ‘sentimental’ boxes, kids’ stuff, multiple generations of furniture, “good” serving platters, and enough junk drawer contents to stock a small store. It’s all there, waiting politely to accompany you to your new home!

This stuff has quietly built up over the years to the point where you barely even notice it anymore. Until it comes time to pack it up, that is! Ugh. Every client, family member and friend of mine who has ever moved will tell you – they had way more stuff than they thought they did.

It is definitely overwhelming, but a move can be one of the best motivators to finally declutter. Because nothing clarifies what matters like paying to pack, move, unpack, and store things you don’t need or even want.

Here is my advice on how to approach a move from a decluttering perspective. It applies whether you are moving to a bigger home or downsizing to something smaller. If you follow it, you will save a lot of precious time, energy and money on your move!

Start Earlier Than You Think

As soon as you even contemplate the thought of moving in midlife, you should begin decluttering. The earlier you start, the less painful it will be (because you can work in small, sustained efforts) and more smoothly things will go when it comes time to do the actual moving. When my mom had a stroke and had to move to Assisted Living, my dad thought he would be selling their house and moving into a place in her building. Sadly, she passed away before he put the house on the market and with her gone, he decided he would stay in the house a while longer.

We both knew he wasn’t ready to move yet, but we started decluttering anyway. Any time I was over at his house we spent 15-20 minutes decluttering a specific area. It was low-pressure, over quickly and allowed for reflection in between ‘sessions.’ By the time he decided to move, several years later, his house was in pretty good shape. There was still plenty left to do (especially since he was moving to a much smaller place) but we had both built up the decision-making muscle required to get through what was left without much drama.

What I often see is the opposite. People conflate decluttering and packing, thinking they will just declutter as they go. Huge mistake. Decluttering and packing should be mutually exclusive. Packing is logistics. Decluttering is decision-making. Those are two different jobs, and combining them is how people lose their minds during their move. In addition, everyone has more stuff than they think they do. You will be amazed at how much has been stuffed, boxed, hidden and neglected in all of the drawers, closets, storage spaces and cabinets in your home. Even if you are a very organized person who doesn’t tend to accumulate things (or so you thought!)

Sometimes starting early isn’t possible, but usually it is. In fact, you can begin the process of decluttering the buildup in your house before the question of moving out even comes up!

Be More Ruthless Than Usual

Moving in midlife is not the time to err on the side of caution. If in doubt, opt to let it go. Yes, it’s going to feel uncomfortable at first. I’m often reminded of this pearl of wisdom from my triathlon coach, who was re-teaching me the crawl stroke as I trained for my first event: “If it doesn’t feel uncomfortable, you aren’t doing it right.’ That advice applies here. It’s going to feel like a leap of faith at the beginning, but then you’ll get the hang of it. Trust me when I tell you, you won’t miss this stuff in your new home but you will love how clutter-free it feels.

Clutter to look out for as you go:

• Anything expired
• Anything broken
• Duplicates
• Old paperwork
• Clothes that no longer fit
• Unfinished projects
• Decor you don’t like
• Books you’ll never read again.
• Your grown kids’ stuff you’ve been storing for them (for how long?)
• Anything from a bygone era that no longer fits your lifestyle

If you get stuck – ask yourself the very relevant question: ‘Do I really want to pay to move this?’

More advice: make note of your clutter pain points as you go. Tons of re-usable tote bags? Random Tupperware coming out of your ears? Flower vases that could serve a large wedding? These are things to not only declutter, but mentally note so you don’t re-create the same clutter conditions in your new home.

Also: Don’t sweat the small stuff! Drawers full of office supplies, mystery keys of unknown origin, single socks. Don’t waste your precious energy trying to figure out a donation plan for this stuff – you have too much to do. Just get a big black trash bag and empty all that stuff into it. It will feel hard in the moment but I guarantee it will pass (usually in 90 seconds or so.)

Welcome Home, You’re Not Done

Welcome to your beautiful new home, here’s some more decluttering advice! Oh, you thought you were finished? Sorry, but if you are moving in midlife, the decluttering doesn’t end when everything is loaded on the truck. Here’s what to do as you are getting settled to set yourself up for clutter-free success.

As you unpack, look at your belongings with fresh eyes. I bet there will be at least a few things that you realize don’t fit,look good or work in your new place.

Is somebody else taking over holiday-hosting duties but you moved all of your platters, crystal and tablecloths?

Did you bring that file cabinet you’ve had forever, only to realize you don’t need it because you got rid of all the old paperwork living in it?

Five bedrooms worth of linens for a 3 bedroom place?

Keep a moving box or two for donations and fill them up with this stuff as you go. It’s normal to feel differently about certain things when they are in a new context. This last decluttering round is small and fairly painless but makes a huge difference in how your new home feels. 

Moving in midlife is stressful, I know. But, it is also a perfect opportunity to curate your belongings to serve the life you are living today. When you make space for the things that matter, you have more mental and physical room to enjoy them – and that makes for a happy home!