One of the first things people tell me is, “I can’t declutter, I’m just too sentimental.” I get it. We all have things that genuinely mean something to us. And when you’re in midlife it can feel like you are attached to everything – to all of it. So many stages of your life are represented in your home. How could you possibly part with things that mean so much to you?

Well, I have to tell you – after working with hundreds of clients, I’ve noticed something surprising. Most people dramatically overestimate how much of their clutter is actually sentimental. If we emptied your house onto the lawn and looked honestly at each item, I suspect only a small percentage would truly hold deep emotional meaning for you. 

Sentimental clutter is only a small piece of your bigger clutter problem. The majority of the stuff ended up in your home for much less romantic reasons. When you take a look at the three biggest ones your huge decluttering project will feel a lot less scary. Let’s jump in.

1. It Seemed Important at the Time

Let’s begin with the sentimental clutter that you actually kept for sentimental reasons…at one time. Let’s face it – we can’t always predict the future and if you are someone who is sentimentally-inclined, you probably saved a lot of stuff you don’t actually care about now.

Here are some examples: Your kids’ schoolwork, greeting cards, souvenirs, clothing you’ll never wear again. Everybody’s list will be a little different – but if you’ve saved things for decades that list is probably pretty long. You have been operating under the assumption that because you intentionally saved it at one time, you still feel the same way about it today. What you’ll realize when you actually come across this stuff again is that it doesn’t pull on your heartstrings the way it once did.

I’ll give you an example from my house (because, yes – I am a sentimental soul myself!) I intentionally saved most of my high school and college papers. I was an English major and got great grades on my papers, which is why I think I saved them. They came with me into my marriage, I moved them multiple times and I never reread them once. I just gave them sentimental value by default – even though it was clear I didn’t care enough to actually read them. When decluttering a few years ago I pulled them out and was honest with myself – I didn’t need to continue keeping them. And guess what? It didn’t hurt to let them go!

Let’s be clear, I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel attached to your college papers (or any of the other things I listed.) However, I am challenging you to ask yourself whether you still are. In some cases the answer may be yes, but in a lot of instances you’ll find that things don’t often hold the same value in your heart once so much time has passed.

2. You Kept It for Someone Else

Okay, now for the sentimental clutter that isn’t really about you, per se. This one is sneaky because it feels like you kept it for sentimental reasons but it was actually someone else’s feelings that dictated the choice.

Examples in this category: Things that mattered to your parents that they gave you. Gifts you received over the years that you didn’t care for that came from someone you love. Family ‘heirlooms’ gathering dust in your garage. Lovingly handmade things you don’t use.

In these cases, let’s be honest – you are not sentimentally attached to the item. You are sentimentally attached to the person associated with the item. You’re not keeping these things because they improve your life or bring you joy. But letting go of them seems mean or cold.

Here’s where I’ll encourage you to separate the object from the person – they are two separate and distinct things. You are not honoring anyone by continuing to store a bunch of stuff you don’t like. Keeping these things buried in your basement is not a testament to your love. Let the stuff go – you can appreciate the person without keeping everything that was/is important to them.

And no, you don’t have to tell them.

3. You Didn’t Intentionally Save It…You Just Never Got Rid of It

This one is my favorite of the three – and it’s also the biggest! This stuff does not even qualify as sentimental clutter – it’s just straight deadwood in your home. It will shock you to discover how many things you kept without any intention behind the decision. 

Let’s take a little trip down memory lane, shall we? Kids were small. Work was hectic. Schedules were crazy busy. On the river of life you were paddling through the rapids and just trying to make it through without getting thrown from your raft.

In that context, here are some things that may or may not have happened. You moved and threw a bunch of ‘miscellaneous’ stuff in the box that is still sitting unopened in a closet. Something your family outgrew got buried behind some other things and you forgot you ever had it. The ‘storage’ closet became a dumping ground for anything that didn’t have a home.

It wasn’t an intentional decision to keep any of this stuff. You were busy and life simply happened. Now, as you enter the lazy river portion of your life journey, it’s time to circle back and make the decisions you didn’t have a chance to before. And what you’ll find is that the decisions are incredibly easy. 

This is an incredibly freeing feeling because you discover that much of your clutter has no deeper meaning to uncover – wahoo! That’s great news for your sweet, sentimental heart!

Now You Can Get To Work

The next time you catch yourself saying, “I’m just too sentimental to declutter,” I want you to test that assumption by actually starting the process.

You’ll likely learn that much of what you’re calling sentimental is actually just deadwood you can slough off. And when you do that you make more room to appreciate the treasures you genuinelycare about.

I wear the label ‘sentimental’ with pride, but I also honor it by appreciating the things that truly bring me joy. I wish the same for you!

The post The Truth About Sentimental Clutter appeared first on Method Seattle.

One common reason it’s hard to make progress decluttering in midlife is that it’s very easy to get derailed by decluttering detours. I’ve experienced this myself countless times but it’s also a big reason why folks call me for help. 

You begin with the best intentions, but before long you’re reminiscing over old photos, researching where to donate furniture, finishing a half-completed project or reorganizing a drawer that wasn’t even on your list. None of those things are bad. They’re just not actually decluttering, and before you know it you’ve strayed far from your original objective and barely made a dent in your clutter problem.

Here’s what’s actually happening. Every time you switch tasks, you lose decision momentum—and that’s what makes it so hard to make meaningful progress. Once you learn to recognize the common derailments that plague most of us in midlife, you’ll be able to avoid going down those rabbit holes and stay in decision mode. Let’s look at the biggest three and how to stay on course when they happen (because they will absolutely happen!)

1.Emotional Detours: When Memories Take Over

When you are decluttering in midlife there are so many memories that can totally trip you up! An old letter from your grandmother requires closer inspection. Your kids’ medical records invite a quick peek. An old photo album beckons. Our sentimental items don’t just require decisions, they invite experiences. Before you know it, you’re no longer deciding what stays. You’re reliving the past. Which sometimes, frankly – can be kind of fun! But remember, you are here to make decisions – not toddle off down memory lane!

Of the 3 decluttering detours, this one is easy to recognize because most everyone has experienced what I just described. It’s likely that you haven’t visited these things in quite some time and so it can be really tempting to jump in feet-first to memory-fest 2026. But before you jump, consider the following advice.

Before you dive into a specific item, do a quick scan of everything to take care of the easy decisions first. Birthday cards without a meaningful inscription. Uninspiring art projects. Anything that evokes a bad memory. That stuff should be easy to edit, so get it out of the way first.

When you stumble across something meaningful, give yourself 30 seconds to acknowledge it, then do one of two things. Sometimes 30 seconds is enough to appreciate reliving a memory, but you probably don’t need to do it again. That would mean it’s okay to edit. Or, if you are tempted to go deeper – set the item aside as a ‘keep.’ Then plan for some time to go deeper with your memories – just not today when you’re trying to declutter!

Remind yourself: today’s goal isn’t to revisit your memories—it’s to decide which ones stay and which ones go.

2. Productivity Detours: Things That Feel Productive (But Aren’t Decluttering)

This decluttering detour is sneaky because it feels productive but is actually a form of procrastination. How many times have you been decluttering and come across an unfinished project? Maybe it’s a sweater you started knitting 4 years ago. Or it could be something broken you meant to fix. Or my favorite – something you forgot you had because it’s been so long since you’ve seen it – of course you want to re-engage!

Don’t look now, but you’ve shifted from decluttering to project management. Whoops. Like the memorabilia, these items tend to spark excitement and motivation that must be seized! Before you realize what is happening, you’ve completely abandoned your decluttering project for a new project that has temporarily taken over the next several hours.

Stop! This decluttering project is the one that should take priority today. It’s great to get excited about something new (old, but new 😂) but save it as a reward for when you finish with the decluttering! In fact, before you even begin the session, make a pact with yourself that you will not take on any new projects until you are finished decluttering. 

Productive procrastination is such a sneaky bugger because it feels like you are doing good work, therefore you are not off track. Except you are off track! Protect your decision-mode – set aside the future projects (if they are worth finishing) for another day. Decluttering is the project that matters today.

3. Research Detours: Solving Tomorrow’s Problems Today

This last decluttering detour is the most common – and it doesn’t feel like a detour because it’s related to the things you’ve decided need to go. For that reason, it isn’t as easy to recognize in the moment. See if this sounds familiar.

You’ve already decided the old bed frame is leaving. Decision made! But instead of continuing to declutter, you spend the next 45 minutes thinking of someone you know who may need it, comparing donation centers, and checking Marketplace prices. Those logistics matter – but not right now. Because right now you are committed to staying in decision mode.

One of the many tactics I recommend in my upcoming book – ‘The Midlife Edit’ is to do donation (and any other research-related activity) before you begin your decluttering session. Because you need your mental energy for the Level 1 decisions – that is, what stays and what goes. What happens after you’ve decided something is leaving is a Level 2 decision, and you can save those for a different day.

One helpful way to keep track of the Level 2 decisions without allowing them to derail you is to keep a list on your phone as you go. It could look something like this:

• Call Habitat for Humanity.
• Ask daughter about wedding china.
• List bike on Marketplace.

Capture all those Level 2 decisions and activities while you keep moving on the Level 1 decluttering decisions.

Remember: making the decision and executing the decision are two different jobs. Today your job is to stay at Level 1!

Decision Mode For The Win

Decluttering isn’t always a test of willpower. It’s a practice of protecting your (precious!) focus. And decluttering detours are always knocking at the door!

The people who make the fastest progress aren’t necessarily more motivated than you are. They’ve simply learned to notice when they’re drifting off course – and can gently steer themselves back to the only question that matters:

“Does this item stay, or does it go?”

Because every answer to that question is one step closer to a clutter-free home.

The post The 3 Biggest Decluttering Detours (and How to Avoid Them) appeared first on Method Seattle.

Just in case. Those three little words have probably earned more space in our homes than any other decluttering excuse. I think I’ve heard every iteration of this rationalization:

“I don’t know what that cord goes to but I’m saving it in case I need it.”

“We haven’t been camping in 15 years but we may change our minds so it’s staying, just in case”

“I don’t know what this key unlocks but I’m keeping it just in case I remember”

“I saved all their art, report cards and schoolwork in case my kids want it someday.”

Each example feels perfectly reasonable in the moment, so you tuck the thing away and forget about it. Now, however, all of those isolated decisions have piled up. It took two or three decades for you to notice, but quietly they have become a major contributor to the clutter you now find yourself drowning in.

When you’re working on so many years of accumulated clutter, it’s easy for ‘just in case’ to derail your decluttering efforts. So let’s break down what’s really happening when you rationalize, how to shift your mindset when it happens and why you should trust your better judgement in the future.

Just in Case is really about fear

When we invoke ‘just in case’, we tell ourselves we’re being prepared when what’s usually driving the decision is fear. You’re afraid you’ll regret the decision in the future. Or that you’ll truly need whatever it is someday and be stuck in the lurch. It feels easier to just keep it ‘for now’.

Another thing that’s going on is avoidance. You tell yourself you’re keeping it in case you need it, but actually you are avoiding the inconvenience of getting rid of it. Double the avoidance if pain-in-the-butt logistics are in play or if you spent a lot of money on the thing once-upon-a-time.

In fact, ‘just in case’ ends up being a kind of catch-all for avoiding discomfort. That discomfort could take the shape of an unknown future, perceived hard work or spending guilt. When you can identify what’s happening with your thoughts as you are decluttering, it becomes a lot easier to push through the discomfort and do the right thing – which is usually to let go of the things you don’t use!

A Mindset Shift

How to push through a ‘just in case’ mindset? Instead of jumping right into ‘What if I need this someday?’, slow down and ask yourself a few clarifying questions:

• How likely is that, really?
• If I did need it, could I borrow, rent, or replace it?
• Is the tiny chance I’ll need it worth storing it for years?
• What am I giving up by keeping it?

I don’t even know you or what you’ve saved ‘just in case’ but based on my own experience and my work with clients I can answer those questions for you.

• The likelihood you’ll need it is low
• You could probably borrow it if you needed one later
• Your space (storage or otherwise) has a higher value than you are currently placing on it
• You are sacrificing lightness of being and comfort of home by keeping all this stuff out of fear

Y’all, our goal here isn’t to eliminate risk. It’s to stop letting unlikely scenarios dictate how you live every day. If you really want to be prepared for a future event that probably won’t happen but could – get yourself a disaster kit. That should satisfy the need to be prepared (for an earthquake, hurricane, fire, zombie apocalypse, etc.) without taking up three quarters of your garage!

And another thing – you aren’t giving your life experience enough credit in this scenario.

Trust Your Wisdom

You should have some distance from any ‘just in case’ decisions you made in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Those items should be relatively easy to declutter. After all, a lot of time has passed and you didn’t actually need or use it – right? 

It will be harder with the things you’ve acquired more recently but don’t actually use (‘but what if…!’) or the items associated with some future-leaning possibility (such as the things you’ve saved for your kids.)

For these you’ll need to draw on both the mindset shifts and your secret weapon – the wisdom you’ve gained in your 50+ years on this earth! That’s right – you have a track record to refer to. You’ve seen how previous decisions to keep things played out! You have lots of resources to tap into if need arises! You know yourself and how likely you are to come back to that long-lost hobby, turn the kids’ tees you saved into a quilt, or jog the memory that’s getting foggier with each passing year. And most of all, you have the wisdom to place a high value on how good your home feels without the clutter that was taking up space for so long.

Based on all of your life-experience, you should have confidence in your ability to make thoughtful decisions instead of avoiding discomfort by defaulting to the lowest common denominator. You can solve problems when they arise instead of surrounding yourself with an armory of ‘just in case’ clutter.

Just in Case You’re Still on the Fence

If you looked honestly at everything you’ve saved “just in case,” how much of your home would it account for?

A closet? A wall in your garage? An entire spare room? Or more?

For many of us in midlife, ‘just in case’ is a pattern that’s been quietly shaping our homes for decades. The next time you are decluttering and those three words cross your mind, please pause.

Because now you know better!

The post The “Just in Case” Trap That Filled Your Home with Clutter appeared first on Method Seattle.

On this blog I have a lot to say about decluttering strategies. I tell you to keep the efforts small and consistent. I recommend always keeping a donation box handy and running it to the donation drop when it fills up. I espouse getting rid of something old when you get something new. All of that is sound advice. But it doesn’t address a category that is one of the hardest to declutter. That’s the big stuff!

I don’t mean the heavy emotional stuff (although that’s hard too!)  Some of the most stubborn clutter in midlife is the stuff that doesn’t fit in the donation box. Because it’s too big! Often the reason it stays around so long is not because you can’t make the decision to let go – it’s the logistical challenge of removing it from your house.

It’s the treadmill collecting dust in the garage. The dining room set nobody uses. The road bike from your triathlon years. The spare refrigerator sitting empty because the kids you used to fill it up for have all moved out. The piano. The giant desk. The furniture your children left behind when they moved out. You know it needs to go – but making it happen always seems to fall to the bottom of your list.

The Bigger The Item, The Bigger The Mental Hurdle

When you have decades of clutter to deal with, removing the biggest items from your home can really move the needle. But large items create friction you don’t usually have time for. You can’t just toss them in a donation box and move on with your day. Instead you must figure out:

• How to move it
• Who will take it
• Whether it’s worth selling
• Whether you’ll need help
• How much time it’s going to take

The logistics can be overwhelming. You may think you are emotionally attached to whatever it is, but actually your brain is just trying to avoid the hassle!

Stop Looking For The Perfect Exit Strategy

You will spend months (years? decades?) with these things hanging around while you wait for the magic fairy to take the hassle away. For that hardest to declutter item, your fairly will surely deliver:

• The highest sale price
• The perfect recipient
• The easiest pickup arrangement
• The guarantee that nothing goes to waste

Except sadly, there is no fairy. And instead of thinking about selling it, or waiting for the perfect new home to present itself – ask yourself this question:

“What is the fastest reasonable way to get this out of my house?”

You are going to have to stop trying to maximize value (or minimize cost and/or effort) and shift your focus to creating momentum. When you do that, it’s amazing how much easier the decisions (and the hassles!) become.

The Best Ways To Get Rid Of The Big Stuff

Now that you’ve shifted your focus – here’s the best little hack to help you get rid of the stuff that’s hardest to declutter.  Here it is:

Do some research and come up with a plan.

That’s it. I know it sounds like ‘duh, how is that a hack?’ but it is and here’s why. When you separate the planning from the doing the whole thing becomes less intimidating to your brain. Sitting on your couch for 20 minutes with a laptop checking out your options? Easy Peasy. The hardest part was letting go of the maximizing, which you already did! And once you have a plan – all you need to do is follow the steps – again, easy!

If you are rolling your eyes right now, stop. I’ve done some legwork for you. Below is a list of paths for your large piece(s) of clutter to vacate the premises.

Sell It
Caveat: Price it LOW. You are never going to get what you think you should get for this thing. Facebook Marketplace is often the quickest option for furniture, exercise equipment, tools, and outdoor items. There are other marketplace platforms as well, such as Craig’s List  or Offer Up, but in my experience Facebook Marketplace moves inventory fast. Caveat #2: It does take effort to take photos, post description & measurements, deal with potential buyers, etc. Are you up for that? If not, keep moving down this list.

Buy Nothing

If you are willing to ditch the money – Buy Nothing is the best option to get rid of your item quickly and locally. Think of it as getting somebody to take it away for free. I use Buy Nothing all the time and it’s awesome! (Obviously easier if you’re located in a more densely populated area like a city or a suburb – I have less experience with Buy Nothing in rural settings.)

Donate It
Many charities offer pickup services for furniture and household goods. This one will require some research as the options/availability will vary by location. Habitat for Humanity ReStore is one example worth checking out if you have one in your area.

Ask for Help
A friend with a truck. An adult child. A neighbor. Someone you hired on TaskRabbit. Don’t let pride turn a solvable problem into a permanent one. You get by with a little help from your friends (sometimes you have to hire them but that still counts!) In my experience friends with trucks love to be helpful and now you can get Aust Susie’s bedroom set over to the college grad who needs free furniture.

Hire Removal
Many of you won’t like this but it’s one of my favorites when I have a good amount of stuff that has to go and I just don’t want to deal with it. Perfect for broken things and the random junk that has piled up on the side yard because it’s too big for your garbage bins. In my opinion, paying a junk removal company is worth every penny. You’re not just paying to remove the item(s). You’re buying back space, energy, and peace of mind. I am not exaggerating when I tell you it feels SO GOOD when you watch that truck drive away!

Individual situations will vary, but remember this: the best solution is the one that actually gets the stuff  out of your house.

Recap

The big stuff is sneakily the hardest to declutter because of the logistics.

Unless you want it sitting around forever, shift your focus from maximizing value to creating momentum for moving it out.

Spending 20 minutes to research and come up with a removal plan will create that momentum. Separate the planning from the doing – they are 2 separate things!

There are many choices for next steps – remember you don’t need a perfect plan. You just need the clutter out of your house!

The post Why the Biggest Items Are Often the Hardest to Declutter appeared first on Method Seattle.

Last month our youngest child graduated from college – wahoo! After the excitement (and drama, she got mono a week before the ceremony) had ebbed, I felt as if I had crossed an invisible threshold of midlife. After almost 30 years of our children dominating our time, mental energy and our home, a new era was beginning.

Yes, all 3 of my kids left the nest to attend college so technically they had been gone awhile. But going away to college still feels like the kids have one foot in and one foot out. Sometimes they are home for summers. They certainly don’t have a permanent living situation going. And they all descend on the house during the holidays – making it feel like it used to, if only for a week. So even though our nest was technically empty when they were in school – it didn’t really feel that way.

But now that the youngest had passed this milestone, something shifted. The kids really felt gone (full disclosure, one is still at home but only for 6 more months!) This summer a rotating cast of houseguests was on the docket. And I had an antsy feeling as I looked around. It was time for a home tour of our newly empty nest.  I made my way from room to room, closet to closet, noticing so many things I was keeping around for no reason. It was eye-opening! I quickly stopped on the thought that this easy exercise would be a good one for all empty-nesters to do.

Do me a favor and take 10 minutes to do your own ‘noticing’ home tour. That’s why it only takes 10 minutes, because it’s merely exploratory. I’m going to give you 3 slightly different ‘noticing’ lenses to look through. The results of your tour may surprise you – they definitely surprised me!

1. Look For What No Longer Fits You

As you begin your home tour the first lens I want you to wear with your empty nest glasses on is the one where you notice anything that no longer fits you. And I don’t mean clothes (although they count too!)

I’m talking about things you’ve never really liked but kept around for one reason or another. Furniture you don’t care for that has been ‘in the family’ for generations. Supplies for hobbies you haven’t engaged in for years. Anything that fit better with an earlier version of yourself.

I’m guessing your list will include gifts you didn’t like but kept around, expensive purchases that didn’t work out and many things you forgot you even had. This stuff has been around so long that it literally faded into the backdrop of your home and it’s been years since you really looked at it.

Remember, you aren’t actually taking action to declutter anything yet. This is an exercise to reveal the clutter hiding in plain sight that doesn’t reflect the life you are living today. The goal isn’t to get rid of anything; it’s simply to notice what no longer fits in.

2. Notice What Your Kids Left behind

Empty nests don’t happen all at once. It takes awhile and often the fledglings return to the roost for another round. But they do eventually leave for good. And when they do, somehow their stuff remains. This is the next lens for your home tour – what the kids left behind.

The things you encounter on this part of the tour fall into 3 different categories:

• The things you are purposely storing for them – you know they want this stuff and don’t have room
• The things you saved for them over the years – things of the sentimental variety
• The things you have no idea if they want

My guess is that the first category is the smallest and the last one is the largest. Most people I work with haven’t actually asked their kids what they want, they just reflexively save everything.

Again, we aren’t diving in to take action on anything right now – only noticing the assumptions we’ve made about all our kids’ stuff still hanging around. Many parents are surprised by how much space is being occupied by belongings that their kids don’t really want

At this point you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by how much clutter has been revealed by this exercise – but you aren’t done yet. The last lens is the most fun of this tour!

3. Imagine Your Next Chapter

I’m calling this part of the home tour the ‘what if’ lens. It’s the lens where you let your imagination take over and envision what you’d like to see in the empty-nest era of your home.

Instead of noticing things that should probably go, you’re asking yourself ‘what if’ the clutter was gone?

If the clutter was gone…

• How would I use this room today?
• What would make my daily life easier?
• What have I always wished this space could be?
• What would I like to make room for?

Maybe it’s a reading nook. Could be a guest room. The possibilities are endless: a studio, a workout space, a home office. Or my favorite of all – more open space. In my opinion, open space is one of the most under-rated attributes of modern homes.

Wherever your imagination takes you, I hope you realize your home doesn’t have to remain frozen in a time that passed a while ago.

A Big First Step

One of the reasons people find decluttering overwhelming is that they think they have to do everything at once. Not true, my friends. We take things in small steps around here – and this home tour is the perfect example.

You should have 2 big takeaways from this little exercise. First, an awareness of how much stuff is currently taking up space in your home that doesn’t fit your current lifestyle or mean much to the kids who left it behind. Second, a dawning vision of what your home could look like if you were to let go of the clutter.

Midlife is full of transitions. Some are chosen and some are not. But if you’ve recently crossed into a new season of life, this might be the perfect time to ask whether your home reflects who you are today—or who you used to be.

Because after spending decades creating a home for everyone else, it’s okay to start creating one for yourself. Congrats to all the grads out there flying the coop!

The post The 10-Minute Home Tour Every Empty Nester Should Take appeared first on Method Seattle.

Midlife is already asking a lot from us.

The kids are leaving. Our hormones are in flux. Eight hours of sleep is more of a Holy Grail than a regular occurrence. Some of us are caring for aging parents, some of whom are happy about it. And we are all carrying decades of responsibilities, decisions, and mental load. It’s a lot!

Midlife is hard enough, the last thing you need is your home adding to the burden.

Research suggests women who perceive their homes as cluttered and stressful experience higher stress and less healthy cortisol patterns than women who view their homes as restorative. Men do not appear to be affected in the same way (figures!) 

In the grand landscape of challenges we are facing during this season of life, our home environment plays a significant role. It either adds to the burden or serves as a haven. But unlike some of the other things we are facing, our clutter is directly under our control. That means we can do something about it!

We Are Already Managing a Full Mental Load

Midlife is hard, yes. A cluttered home contributes to that, yes. But you maybe haven’t noticed it as a problem because clutter itself is not the problem in isolation.

It’s more like the straw on top of an already overloaded system.

When you are dealing with the emotional demands of newly launched kiddos, planning for retirement, helping aging parents and navigating changes in your body – you’re pretty much at max capacity. So that means things like a pile on the counter, an overstuffed closet or a looming stack of boxes in the garage can tip your brain over the edge.

That’s because every time you visually encounter a pile of stuff, your brain sees:

• a decision
• a task
• an unfinished project
• something you need to remember

The issue isn’t that one pile. It’s that the pile is one more thing on top of everything else you’re dealing with. Bottom line, your brain doesn’t experience clutter separately from everything else. It’s just adding to the load that’s already there.

Why Clutter Feels Harder Now Than It Did Before

You might be wondering, “Why didn’t this bother me when my kids were younger?” After all, that was a very hectic season of life in itself. I don’t know about you, but tired was my baseline and I got very adept at spinning multiple plates in the air with only an occasional crash and burn!

During that time, accumulation was the norm. Because let’s face it, there is a lot of stuff involved in raising a family. And that stuff all had a clear purpose. Sports equipment, school papers, toys – it was all needed and used. And frankly, you were too busy to notice how much was piling up. It wasn’t that there wasn’t stress, and there definitely was clutter – but you were too busy to notice it.

The reason midlife is hard is because even though it isn’t as hectic, it’s weightier. You have more time to  notice your environment and it doesn’t feel relaxing.

Plus, you’re in the middle of an identity edit. The kids are gone, so there’s less people and less activity. But the house is still full of stuff. And because so much of it isn’t relevant to your life today, maintaining decades of accumulated possessions suddenly feels exhausting rather than meaningful.

Trimming off the extra via decluttering takes away some of the cognitive load you’re carrying right now. And that leaves you with more energy to deal with everything else. Your home can become your refuge and a restorative place to recharge.

Decluttering Is One Midlife Stressor You Can Reduce

Midlife is hard because it’s filled with transitions that oftentimes feel out of our control. Menopause is inevitable. Aging is real. Losing parents is going to happen. Kids are doing their own thing and don’t want us butting in. Plus, forgive me for saying it – but the outside world is also a bit of a dumpster-fire right now. All of it can make you feel powerless.

I can’t help you with most of the other stuff (though I’ve reigned in my menopause symptoms, thanks to info from doctors like Dr. Mary-Claire Haver – check her out if you haven’t already!) You can’t declutter any of it.

But you can declutter your garage, the paperwork piles, the clothes in your closet that don’t fit, the guest room that’s basically a storage dump. All of that is in your control – and one intangible benefit of decluttering is how empowering it is.

Every item you declutter removes a future decision, a visual distraction, a storage obligation and a tiny slice of cognitive load. You don’t need to overhaul everything, but each little bit adds up.

So begin with the surface clutter and move on from there. Suddenly all the other weighty things in your life will feel a little less burdensome. And you’ll have a place to chill out and relax when the weight feels too heavy.

Reclaim Your Home

Please know I’m not suggesting that decluttering will fix your hormones, eliminate stress, or solve every problem you’re facing. But midlife is hard enough, and if your body and mind are already working to navigate this season of life, why not remove one burden that’s completely within your control?

Think about it, and maybe set a timer for 10 minutes and attack your junk drawer!

The post Midlife Is Hard Enough. Don’t Let Clutter Make It Harder appeared first on Method Seattle.

The time is ripe to face an uncomfortable truth about decluttering in midlife. This may be hard to hear, but I feel compelled to share it based on my years of experience as a Professional Organizer. If you’re keeping your clutter around because you think you’re going to sell it eventually…it’s probably never going to happen. Selling clutter is usually a waste of your time and energy.

Here’s how it happens: You’re decluttering and come across something you feel is worth something. Maybe it was something you spent a lot of money on and you feel like you should recoup at least part of what  you paid for it. Maybe it’s something that is ‘perfectly good’ and seems like someone else would pay good money for it. Or it could be something you inherited, and maybe Antique Roadshow would tell you it’s worth a small fortune!  Your imagination fills your head with the exciting possibilities of resell riches and you set the items aside in a ‘sell’ pile..

Meanwhile, life goes on. That pile of possibility sits in the garage, guest room, basement, or closet for months – or years. And you come across it again the next time you decide you have too much stuff and it’s time to declutter.

I’d like to invite you to rethink the resell plan and consider donation instead. I have some good reasons, so stick with me while I lay them out for you.

Selling Is a Whole Separate Project

When you are in the throes of exciting resale possibilities, selling clutter feels like it will be a quick final step of the decluttering process. You’re thinking about the outcome, not the process required to get to it. I’m here to tell you: it isn’t quick. It requires a fair amount of work and mental effort. Here is a partial list of what is involved when you resell something:

• Researching prices
• Taking photos
• Writing listings
• Posting on multiple platforms
• Interacting with potential buyers
• Answering questions
• Negotiating
• Coordinating pickups or shipping

Don’t get me wrong, there are many selling platforms that are relatively easy to use these days. Reselling is definitely easier than it used to be! The problem isn’t that selling doesn’t work.

The problem is – reselling is work. More work on top of the not-insignificant mental energy you already expended making the decluttering decisions in the first place. Reselling is an entirely new project you are taking on. And that is why most people never follow through.If starting a small resale business is something you’ve been dreaming of, great! If you have systems set up, know all the hacks and tricks for the resell platforms and like doing this kind of stuff independent of your decluttering project – go for it! Just don’t expect you’ll get as much as you think your clutter is worth.

Your Stuff Is Probably Worth Less Than You Think

I predict there will be quite a bit of distance between your expectations of what you can get for your stuff and the reality of what it’s worth. Selling clutter hardly ever nets enough to justify the time and energy it takes. There are a few reasons for the disconnect.

You remember what you originally paid for the thing, and that does not match what the market says it’s worth. You’ll discover this to be almost universally true if you take a few minutes to do a little price research online. Also, your emotional attachment to the item – be it sentiment, guilt or frugality – inflates its perceived value in your mind. Your potential buyers have none of those attachments, in fact their emotions are pulling them in the opposite direction price-wise:

• “I’d only buy this if it’s a really good deal.” 
• “I could probably find something similar for less.” 
• “Used stuff should be cheap.” 

You  know how they say a new car loses a third of its value as soon as you drive it off the lot? Well, the value of most stuff you are trying to resell depreciated dramatically as soon as you bought it. Again, maybe take a few minutes and check out pre-owned prices for some of these popular midlife categories:

• Furniture
• Exercise equipment
• Home decor
• Kitchen gadgets

The reality is, you are going to spend hours and hours trying to recover a fraction of what you initially paid for the thing you are reselling. Are those hours worth it? Let’s do a little math. Say you have only 3 things to sell. You spend a total of 4 hours doing all the required activities (see list above) to list and sell your items. You end up netting $75 total (pretty good!) So essentially you earned $18.75 per hour for that project. I don’t know about you, but my high school kids made more than that lifeguarding at our neighborhood pool. And that’s only the time component, never mind the mental energy. The point is, sometimes you’re protecting the value of the item at the expense of your time and energy.

The Cost of Keeping It Is Usually Higher

And what about the cost of space that ‘sell’ pile is taking up in your home? Your intentions of selling clutter pay a price there too.  It’s definitely contributing to visual clutter. And it’s probably taking up storage space. But worst of all, it’s a constant reminder that you haven’t followed through on actually selling it. You will berate yourself every time you come across it and feel badly. It’s basically a visual ‘to-do’ that never gets crossed off your list.

In addition, you are depriving yourself of the most satisfying part of decluttering – when the clutter actually leaves your house! My clients tell me all the time that their favorite part of my service is how I take donations away with me at the end of our session. That’s because it feels so good to have it gone! It’s the most joyous part of decluttering in midlife, and if you’re keeping a bunch of it around, you’re defeating the purpose of your decluttering project.

Disclaimer

Of course there are exceptions to my rules of avoiding the resell trap. High-value antiques, designer clothes, shoes & bags, and fine jewelry are all probably worth the effort (through an appropriate channel.) And if you are someone who resells often, you know the ins and outs of your platform of choice – so the lift is lighter.

But for most people and most midlife clutter, the fastest path to exit from your home is usually the best path – and it isn’t selling clutter. So before you start adding to your ‘I’ll sell it’ pile, ask yourself: ‘How much is my time and energy worth?’ Then do a little math to validate your decision. And nine times out of ten the donation box that leaves your house this week is worth more than the ‘sell’ pile that’s still sitting there the next time you decide to declutter!

The post Why Selling Clutter Costs More Than It’s Worth appeared first on Method Seattle.

As you can imagine, I have a lot of ‘midlife’ content in my social media feeds. Most of it is focused on grief and sadness and missing the kids that have left. That’s fine (and totally relatable) but I think there’s a bigger shift happening that not enough people are talking about.

I think of it as an ‘midlife identity edit’ and it’s a huge opportunity to seize midlife by the horns and bend it to your will!  What do I mean by ‘identity edit’? Basically it’s taking stock of what you own and editing the things that no longer match up with the life you are leading now. Not only does it leave you feeling lighter, but it makes room for new identities you are growing into!

The kids left and while we weren’t paying attention our homes quietly become museums for a phase of life that’s been over for years. I’m talking about childhood bedrooms, family-oriented hobbies, shopping habits built around kids, spacesyou’re using for storage instead of living.

Decluttering the museum isn’t really about getting rid of stuff (although technically that’s what you’re doing.) Rather, it’s the means to help clarify who you are or want to be for this next phase and set your home up to support it.

Your Home Is Still Set Up For a Past Version of Life

Is your home frozen in time? Do your guests sleep in rooms with teenage posters (and lights, they were so into those light strips!) on the walls? Do you still habitually hit Costco to buy a bunch of stuff in bulk that will take you months (years?) to use up (if ever?) Are your storage areas stuffed with the relics of family life: school projects, sports gear, Ikea furniture?

The truth is, your day-to-day reality has changed. The needs are different, the needs are less numbered and your schedule, though it may still be busy, is less populated with things having to do with other people. Your home is now serving less humans, but it’s still set up to be in caretaking mode. It’s a super-subtle tension that you may not even realize is there.

That’s where a midlife identity edit can be so helpful in breaking up that tension. Decluttering to make way for a current version of daily life can be so liberating!

Decluttering Becomes Symbolic, Not Practical

I want to be crystal clear here, I’m not talking about tidying up Marie Kondo-style. This also isn’t a version of Swedish Death Cleaning; that’s all good but serves a different purpose. I’m not advocating a bunch of labels and bins – though they might be helpful once you’re done.

A midlife identity edit becomes a symbolic transformation. The decision filters (i.e.the questions you ask yourself) should all be related to identity:

• Do I still need this?
• Is this still who I am?
• Am I keeping this out of usefulness… or guilt?
• Does this serve me in my life today?

You are going to come across plenty of stuff that elicits ‘nos’ to most of those questions. Does that mean you should get rid of everything that doesn’t match your life today? Of course not. Some things will serve the purpose of making you smile because they remind you of motherhood, or your own childhood, or someone you loved.

But right now you can’t even enjoy those things because they are just part of a larger jumble of clutter. Now is a great time to assess which ones actually matter.

The Opportunity Hidden Inside the Empty Nest

Does a midlife identity edit feel unsettling? Sure, it does. But remember, that discomfort is a part of growth.When you clear the clutter from your past life you’ll suddenly find yourself with extra space. Physical space, yes – but also calendar space, mental space and space for new identities to grow.

Here’s an example from my own house. My husband and I are both big baseball fans and one of our goals is to visit every major league ballpark. It’s just one thing we are doing together in midlife but we now have the bandwidth and the inclination to make that goal more visible in our home. We have manifested it in two ways.

On the downstairs walls of our family room/home gym, there still hung Elementary School art projects we bought at auctions over the years. Those came down to make room for World Series front pages from each of our team’s (SF Giants, Boston Red Sox) modern championship wins (7 total!) We also had a ‘Top 100 Movies’ scratch off poster someone gave us that hung in our mudroom hallway. We have replaced that with a Pop Art scratch-off piece depicting all MLB parks. Less family-oriented, more ‘mislife us’ focused!

I have a lot of clients who are itching to remodel their empty nest once the kids leave. I always encourage them to declutter first, because you learn a lot about yourself and who you want to be now through the process. And sometimes, decluttering is enough of a ‘makeover’ and you discover just how well your home can support your midlife!

‘Rebuilding’ your home with intention looks like this::

• What do I want home to feel like now?
• What supports this next chapter?
• What deserves space in my life moving forward?
• What am I ready to stop maintaining?

The goal isn’t to erase the life you built – it was a fantastic phase! But you aren’t living in it anymore and keeping your home the same as it was before may be stunting your midlife growth.The empty nest isn’t just a parenting transition, y’all – it’s an opportunity to embrace your new identity as an Empty Nester. It’s a midlife identity edit – and decluttering is the physical act that helps you process that shift!

The post The Empty Nest Reset: A Midlife Identity Edit appeared first on Method Seattle.

Alert – this blog is for anyone who feels like decluttering specific items goes against their values in some way. I get this a lot in my social media comments:

“I would never get rid of (insert item X) because I value family”

“Decluttering (specific thing Y) is not an option – I value my memories”

“I will not add to landfills, it’s so wasteful – I value the environment”

So I am moved to point out the differences between values vs. practices. When we declutter, we often rationalize keeping things because we are confusing practices with values. That distinction changes a lot if you understand the difference between the two.

Here I’m going to illustrate why practices and values are mutually exclusive. I’ll dig into why the lines blur so much for those of us in midlife. And I have a question you can ask yourself when you are having a hard time decluttering that will put the decision in perspective. Let’s get into it!

What’s the Difference Between a Value and a Practice?

So values vs. practices – what’s the difference? A value represents a deep belief or priority. Here are some examples:

• Connection
• Family
• Creativity
• Hospitality
• Security
• Beauty
• Stewardship

A practice is the way you express that value. There can be many different practices that express the same value. Where we get tripped up when decluttering is confusing the way we’ve historically expressed a value with the value itself.

For example:

• Value: Honoring family. Practice: Keeping inherited furniture
• Value: Financial Stewardship. Practice: Keeping things you spent good money on
• Value: Security. Practice. Keeping things “just in case”
• Value: Environmental Stewardship. Practice: Recycling wherever possible
  

What many folks miss is that it is possible to change the way you express your values. There is not one righteous path forward. Practices can change while values remain intact. You can let go of a practice that isn’t serving you and pivot to one that better aligns with your current lifestyle/situation/circumstances. Or with something you are trying to accomplish, like decluttering for instance.

Why the Lines Between Values vs. Practices Blur in Midlife

It is completely understandable how we mistake practices for values so often in midlife. We’ve accumulated decades’ worth of physical expressions of our identity. That means our homes contain evidence of every life stage we’ve passed through, from our own youth to raising families to empty nesting. 

We were raised by parents and grandparents who grew up in times of scarcity, when values of family and stewardship were consistently expressed via physical belongings and squeezing the most out of every purchase. Our parents passed these practices down to us. Because the practices have existed through multiple generations they feel like the values themselves.

That’s why decluttering certain things can seem like a betrayal of your values, even though you know in your wise mind that it’s the right thing to do. Letting go of them feels like you’re becoming someone different – someone who is straying from the values you have identified with your whole like.

The funny thing is, these practices may not have even been explicity verbalized. They were just in the water we grew up swimming in:

• “Good mothers save their kids’ things.”
• “Responsible people keep useful items.”
• “Family heirlooms must stay in the family.”

Do any of these feel familiar? If the answer is yes you are not alone! The sensation is unique to our season of life and the specific generations we were born into!

The One Question That Changes Decluttering

Now you understand the differences of values vs. practices. Naming the problem sucks away half of its power over you! But that tractor beam is still pretty strong – so how do you actually break free? 

It’s very simple, really. It’s merely a switch of the internal question you ask every time you go to declutter something that is emotionally loaded.

Instead of asking “Does this item matter?” ask yourself “Is this object the only way to honor this value?” I guarantee you can think of multiple ways to express your values that don’t involve keeping a bunch of clutter that you don’t use and (honestly) don’t really care about.

• You can value your children without keeping 20 bins of childhood artwork
• You can value hospitality without a formal dining room (or the wedding china in it) that nobody uses
• You can value memories without keeping every object attached to them
• You can value preparedness without storing a lifetime supply of “maybe someday”

If you need ideas on clutter-free ways you can express values, check out my blogs on Rituals and Grief Decluttering. They’ll help you reframe what feels like giving up your values to merely updating how you express them in your life today.

Your values deserve space.
Your outdated practices don’t automatically deserve storage! When you decouple values and practices you make letting go feel a lot less like a loss.

Try it out and see if it doesn’t help you make space for the things that matter – and let me know how it goes!

The post Values vs. Practices: The Decluttering Shift That Changes Everything appeared first on Method Seattle.

You look around your house and think, ‘How did it get like this?’

Not messy. Not chaotic. Just… full. Everywhere you turn, there’s something that needs to be dealt with, moved out of the way, or stuffed into an already-full drawer. And you may be feeling like you somehow should have handled this already. 

Let me help you give yourself some grace. The problem is not you – it’s the season you’re in!

Midlife clutter is no joke. The clutter is multi-layered and there is no way you could have set aside a weekend to get through it all. You aren’t behind – you’re actually in the middle!

What am I talking about? Let’s dig into the three layers of midlife clutter that are making those of us in the sandwich generation feel so squeezed.

First Layer: Your Stuff

Congratulations, you’ve hit midlife! And that means you’ve had at least 3 decades to accumulate the many things you call your own. You’ve passed through multiple phases of past lives, interests and hobbies – each with an accompanying set of accoutrements. You may be finished with a lot of those hobbies – in fact some of them you may not even remember you were into. But the stuff that came with them is living in the back of a closet, in a box on a garage shelf, or buried somewhere in your basement.

And what about all the sentimental stuff you saved over the years? Your high school yearbooks, letters and birthday cards from a bygone era (an era when people still wrote letters!) or even ancient stuffed animals from your childhood. Life has been too busy to stop and think whether all this stuff still matters to you. So it has sat in boxes marked ‘memorabilia’ for years.

And then there’s the stuff that snuck into your home when you weren’t looking. The Gifts With Purchase you never used. The subscriptions you forgot to cancel. The duplicates you purchased, not realizing you already had one hiding somewhere in the house. You may have a desk full of office supplies that are mostly obsolete in a digital age (whiteout anyone?) Or a collection of golf tees that seemingly accumulates by a magnitude.

All of this is the stuff of life. We’ve all got some version of it, and yes, it’s time for a reset. If this was the only clutter we had to deal with, it would still be intimidating all on its own. But this is only the first layer of midlife clutter, there’s more, way more!

Second Layer: Your Kids’ Stuff

You may be in the process of emptying your nest…of the humans you raised, that is. Their stuff is another story. Most folks’ midlife clutter includes a healthy amount of things their children left behind. 

Some of it you were probably intentionally saving for them. (Whether they actually want everything you saved is another question!) Some of it they intentionally left because they don’t have room for it. But a lot of it is just leftover from the time they lived in your home. They had their own rooms that are still intact. They played sports and the equipment is still in your garage, gathering dust.

This layer is hard because there are some uncomfortable emotions involved. What things are yours vs. theirs? How long are they expecting you to keep the stuff they plan to take ‘someday’? Can you make decisions about what stays and goes when you don’t know their feelings or intentions? Ugh, and then there’s the nostalgia that accompanies all of this stuff. You miss the kids they used to be. You miss them living at home with you. It’s an era that hasn’t quite ended, leaving you feeling like you’re in limbo. The physical footprint of raising a family is a big one, no matter how many kids you raised. Yes, it’s probably time to make some decisions and set some boundaries with your children. But they aren’t your only clutter problem. Your parents are right behind them!

Third Layer: Your Parents’ Stuff

The last layer of midlife clutter is the most insidious because it’s arriving late to the party. Whether or not you anticipated a giant influx of stuff from your parents, you probably haven’t decluttered your own stuff to make room!

Our parents are downsizing, and some of them are passing away before they even have time to downsize. A lot of them are very attached to their things and expect you to take care of the ones they don’t have room for anymore. Sometimes, this happens with no notice because of a crisis or health event, leaving you with little choice but to fill your garage with their furniture, photo albums and ‘family heirlooms.’

Feelings of obligation and guilt accompany all of this stuff. There are probably things you would like to have, but I’m guessing there is a lot you have no need or use for. But it feels like a betrayal to voice that so instead you take it all in.

And P.S., all of this is arriving at a time when you literally do not have the physical space or mental capacity to deal with it. So you pack it away to be dealt with later.

So What Do We Do?

Y’all, this is the reality of the season of life we are all in. The problem is not personal to you, it’s situational. Instead of wallowing in the overwhelm of it all, let’s shift our perspective.

Because we are in midlife, we have the opportunity to edit and curate these items instead of managing them. Because we are in midlife, we are well-positioned to take our time in getting through it all instead of trying to attempt a huge purge of everything all at once. And friends, because we are in midlife, we have the wisdom to know what we truly care about keeping, and what is marginal or not important. We should trust that wisdom, gained from decades of life experience!

So take it small and slow. Curate instead of purge. Trust your inner knowing. You’ve got this. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you can’t do it. We are in midlife and we will not let our clutter defeat us!

The post The Midlife Clutter Squeeze: Caught In The Sandwich appeared first on Method Seattle.