The Midlife Clutter Squeeze: Caught In The Sandwich

You look around your house and think, ‘How did it get like this?’

Not messy. Not chaotic. Just… full. Everywhere you turn, there’s something that needs to be dealt with, moved out of the way, or stuffed into an already-full drawer. And you may be feeling like you somehow should have handled this already. 

Let me help you give yourself some grace. The problem is not you – it’s the season you’re in!

Midlife clutter is no joke. The clutter is multi-layered and there is no way you could have set aside a weekend to get through it all. You aren’t behind – you’re actually in the middle!

What am I talking about? Let’s dig into the three layers of midlife clutter that are making those of us in the sandwich generation feel so squeezed.

First Layer: Your Stuff

Congratulations, you’ve hit midlife! And that means you’ve had at least 3 decades to accumulate the many things you call your own. You’ve passed through multiple phases of past lives, interests and hobbies – each with an accompanying set of accoutrements. You may be finished with a lot of those hobbies – in fact some of them you may not even remember you were into. But the stuff that came with them is living in the back of a closet, in a box on a garage shelf, or buried somewhere in your basement.

And what about all the sentimental stuff you saved over the years? Your high school yearbooks, letters and birthday cards from a bygone era (an era when people still wrote letters!) or even ancient stuffed animals from your childhood. Life has been too busy to stop and think whether all this stuff still matters to you. So it has sat in boxes marked ‘memorabilia’ for years.

And then there’s the stuff that snuck into your home when you weren’t looking. The Gifts With Purchase you never used. The subscriptions you forgot to cancel. The duplicates you purchased, not realizing you already had one hiding somewhere in the house. You may have a desk full of office supplies that are mostly obsolete in a digital age (whiteout anyone?) Or a collection of golf tees that seemingly accumulates by a magnitude.

All of this is the stuff of life. We’ve all got some version of it, and yes, it’s time for a reset. If this was the only clutter we had to deal with, it would still be intimidating all on its own. But this is only the first layer of midlife clutter, there’s more, way more!

Second Layer: Your Kids’ Stuff

You may be in the process of emptying your nest…of the humans you raised, that is. Their stuff is another story. Most folks’ midlife clutter includes a healthy amount of things their children left behind. 

Some of it you were probably intentionally saving for them. (Whether they actually want everything you saved is another question!) Some of it they intentionally left because they don’t have room for it. But a lot of it is just leftover from the time they lived in your home. They had their own rooms that are still intact. They played sports and the equipment is still in your garage, gathering dust.

This layer is hard because there are some uncomfortable emotions involved. What things are yours vs. theirs? How long are they expecting you to keep the stuff they plan to take ‘someday’? Can you make decisions about what stays and goes when you don’t know their feelings or intentions? Ugh, and then there’s the nostalgia that accompanies all of this stuff. You miss the kids they used to be. You miss them living at home with you. It’s an era that hasn’t quite ended, leaving you feeling like you’re in limbo. The physical footprint of raising a family is a big one, no matter how many kids you raised. Yes, it’s probably time to make some decisions and set some boundaries with your children. But they aren’t your only clutter problem. Your parents are right behind them!

Third Layer: Your Parents’ Stuff

The last layer of midlife clutter is the most insidious because it’s arriving late to the party. Whether or not you anticipated a giant influx of stuff from your parents, you probably haven’t decluttered your own stuff to make room!

Our parents are downsizing, and some of them are passing away before they even have time to downsize. A lot of them are very attached to their things and expect you to take care of the ones they don’t have room for anymore. Sometimes, this happens with no notice because of a crisis or health event, leaving you with little choice but to fill your garage with their furniture, photo albums and ‘family heirlooms.’

Feelings of obligation and guilt accompany all of this stuff. There are probably things you would like to have, but I’m guessing there is a lot you have no need or use for. But it feels like a betrayal to voice that so instead you take it all in.

And P.S., all of this is arriving at a time when you literally do not have the physical space or mental capacity to deal with it. So you pack it away to be dealt with later.

So What Do We Do?

Y’all, this is the reality of the season of life we are all in. The problem is not personal to you, it’s situational. Instead of wallowing in the overwhelm of it all, let’s shift our perspective.

Because we are in midlife, we have the opportunity to edit and curate these items instead of managing them. Because we are in midlife, we are well-positioned to take our time in getting through it all instead of trying to attempt a huge purge of everything all at once. And friends, because we are in midlife, we have the wisdom to know what we truly care about keeping, and what is marginal or not important. We should trust that wisdom, gained from decades of life experience!

So take it small and slow. Curate instead of purge. Trust your inner knowing. You’ve got this. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you can’t do it. We are in midlife and we will not let our clutter defeat us!