The 10-Minute Home Tour Every Empty Nester Should Take

Last month our youngest child graduated from college – wahoo! After the excitement (and drama, she got mono a week before the ceremony) had ebbed, I felt as if I had crossed an invisible threshold of midlife. After almost 30 years of our children dominating our time, mental energy and our home, a new era was beginning.

Yes, all 3 of my kids left the nest to attend college so technically they had been gone awhile. But going away to college still feels like the kids have one foot in and one foot out. Sometimes they are home for summers. They certainly don’t have a permanent living situation going. And they all descend on the house during the holidays – making it feel like it used to, if only for a week. So even though our nest was technically empty when they were in school – it didn’t really feel that way.

But now that the youngest had passed this milestone, something shifted. The kids really felt gone (full disclosure, one is still at home but only for 6 more months!) This summer a rotating cast of houseguests was on the docket. And I had an antsy feeling as I looked around. It was time for a home tour of our newly empty nest.  I made my way from room to room, closet to closet, noticing so many things I was keeping around for no reason. It was eye-opening! I quickly stopped on the thought that this easy exercise would be a good one for all empty-nesters to do.

Do me a favor and take 10 minutes to do your own ‘noticing’ home tour. That’s why it only takes 10 minutes, because it’s merely exploratory. I’m going to give you 3 slightly different ‘noticing’ lenses to look through. The results of your tour may surprise you – they definitely surprised me!

1. Look For What No Longer Fits You

As you begin your home tour the first lens I want you to wear with your empty nest glasses on is the one where you notice anything that no longer fits you. And I don’t mean clothes (although they count too!)

I’m talking about things you’ve never really liked but kept around for one reason or another. Furniture you don’t care for that has been ‘in the family’ for generations. Supplies for hobbies you haven’t engaged in for years. Anything that fit better with an earlier version of yourself.

I’m guessing your list will include gifts you didn’t like but kept around, expensive purchases that didn’t work out and many things you forgot you even had. This stuff has been around so long that it literally faded into the backdrop of your home and it’s been years since you really looked at it.

Remember, you aren’t actually taking action to declutter anything yet. This is an exercise to reveal the clutter hiding in plain sight that doesn’t reflect the life you are living today. The goal isn’t to get rid of anything; it’s simply to notice what no longer fits in.

2. Notice What Your Kids Left behind

Empty nests don’t happen all at once. It takes awhile and often the fledglings return to the roost for another round. But they do eventually leave for good. And when they do, somehow their stuff remains. This is the next lens for your home tour – what the kids left behind.

The things you encounter on this part of the tour fall into 3 different categories:

• The things you are purposely storing for them – you know they want this stuff and don’t have room
• The things you saved for them over the years – things of the sentimental variety
• The things you have no idea if they want

My guess is that the first category is the smallest and the last one is the largest. Most people I work with haven’t actually asked their kids what they want, they just reflexively save everything.

Again, we aren’t diving in to take action on anything right now – only noticing the assumptions we’ve made about all our kids’ stuff still hanging around. Many parents are surprised by how much space is being occupied by belongings that their kids don’t really want

At this point you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by how much clutter has been revealed by this exercise – but you aren’t done yet. The last lens is the most fun of this tour!

3. Imagine Your Next Chapter

I’m calling this part of the home tour the ‘what if’ lens. It’s the lens where you let your imagination take over and envision what you’d like to see in the empty-nest era of your home.

Instead of noticing things that should probably go, you’re asking yourself ‘what if’ the clutter was gone?

If the clutter was gone…

• How would I use this room today?
• What would make my daily life easier?
• What have I always wished this space could be?
• What would I like to make room for?

Maybe it’s a reading nook. Could be a guest room. The possibilities are endless: a studio, a workout space, a home office. Or my favorite of all – more open space. In my opinion, open space is one of the most under-rated attributes of modern homes.

Wherever your imagination takes you, I hope you realize your home doesn’t have to remain frozen in a time that passed a while ago.

A Big First Step

One of the reasons people find decluttering overwhelming is that they think they have to do everything at once. Not true, my friends. We take things in small steps around here – and this home tour is the perfect example.

You should have 2 big takeaways from this little exercise. First, an awareness of how much stuff is currently taking up space in your home that doesn’t fit your current lifestyle or mean much to the kids who left it behind. Second, a dawning vision of what your home could look like if you were to let go of the clutter.

Midlife is full of transitions. Some are chosen and some are not. But if you’ve recently crossed into a new season of life, this might be the perfect time to ask whether your home reflects who you are today—or who you used to be.

Because after spending decades creating a home for everyone else, it’s okay to start creating one for yourself. Congrats to all the grads out there flying the coop!