From Their House to Yours: Managing the Downsize Ripple Effect

I’ve been helping my dad declutter in preparation for a move. This month on the blog I’m sharing some of the many lessons learned through the process. This week, here’s some sincere advice: If you’re helping your parents, be prepared for the downsize ripple effect! It’s highly likely that a lot of the stuff leaving their house will be coming to yours. 

There are a couple of contributing factors here. The first is your own desire to adopt things that are meaningful to you. Or display items that you particularly admire in your own home. The second is your parents’ discomfort in  letting things go. If you take something home then it isn’t really gone from their orbit.

But add but factors together and you are talking about a material influx of things entering your home. And since you’re in midlife yourself that is just adding to the decades of buildup that already exists.

Don’t panic! I have 3 pieces of good advice that will help you navigate the situation with grace and seamlessly integrate the new treasures into your home.

Mentally Prepare & Set Boundaries

If you can successfully anticipate the downsize ripple effect, you will save yourself a lot of grief. Acknowledge early that  the decluttering will not end at your parents’ house. Think of things you might like to have if your parents will no longer have room for them. Accept that you will likely have some work to do at your house as well. This will mostly spare you some feelings of resentment towards your parents for dumping a bunch of stuff in your lap.

That said, it’s important to also set boundaries. I’m not only referring to spatial boundaries. I’m referring to the art of gently refusing to take things that you have no personal attachment to. There are going to be things that are meaningful to your parents but not to you. There are things that are ‘perfectly good’ that your parents want to give you so they can continue to be used (even though you won’t use them.) These are opportunities to draw a line in the sand. That way, a bunch of stuff is not needlessly moved and consigned to a dusty pile in your basement.

I acknowledge that setting boundaries is ‘says easy, does hard.’ You may not win every battle. But in having the courageous conversation at all, you are planting little seeds of change that will begin to sprout and grow as you continue the decluttering journey.

Make Room

If you’ve mentally prepared for the downsize ripple effect, you can now take a look at your own house and make some assessments. There may be some furniture re-arranging to make room for a new piano. If there are family photo albums coming home with you, declutter a shelf or cabinet so they are accessible and have a designated home. Surely there are plenty of unused items that can exit the premises. Take this opportunity to clean up your side of the street. 

If you do some of this work ahead of time, you’ll be able to put the stuff away as soon as you bring it home. Then you eliminate the risk of all of your ‘new’ things cluttering up your counters and tables for weeks on end.

Enjoy, Don’t Just Store

This is kind of back to the first piece of advice, but the downsize ripple effect can have a positive impact on your home if you make your new (old) treasures visible or accessible. In other words, don’t just bring back a bunch of stuff that’s going to sit in a box until you decide to downsize yourself! That’s a complete waste of energy and defeats the purpose of keeping it around in the first place! If you are really curating down to a few meaningful items they can actually make your home better. 

Hang the art. Digitize the photos. Create a designated home for memorabilia that is easily accessible. That way you’ll be more likely to visit the memories on occasion. If they are consigned to a box in the closet no one will ever enjoy them. If that’s the case, why are you keeping them in the first place?

You’ve Got This

Your parents will notice and appreciate the fact that you have not just accepted these things, but have integrated them in a way that shows you actually treasure them. This means more than any of the initial boundary-setting that made them so uncomfortable. 

My home benefitted hugely from the downsize ripple effect. I inherited our family’s heirloom baby grand, which led me to rearranging our living room furniture. I replaced the IKEA bookshelf in my office with a gorgeous Antique Japanese Mizya Tanzu Chest, and a wooden cat sculpture that delighted my children for years from its perch on my parents hearth has a new home by our fireplace. The upgrades from my dad’s home led to some major decluttering (and a call to the junk hauler for the broken IKEA shelving!) But now I can enjoy some things that I love and that remind me of my parents!