When Dad Downsizes: My Most Important Lesson

I had so many good insights from helping my dad prepare to move out and put his house on the market. What I learned could fill a book! But I can’t wait that long to share my new wisdom so I’m devoting my August blogs to the topic.

When your dad downsizes there is so much work to do. There are emotions to navigate and decisions to make. It can be really exhausting for both parent and (grown) child. Amidst the memories, hard choices, laughter and frustration were many lessons just staring me in the face. The first one? Physical energy is one thing, but mental energy is the precious resource you need to preserve.

Acknowledge Energy Limits

When your dad downsizes, energy is at a premium. My dad is 83 and in great shape. He still skis, golfs and plays in several bands. He walks regularly and has a lively social calendar. When someone is so obviously full of life, sometimes you forget that fatigue is a real thing in your 80’s. It seems my dad underestimated his available energy as well. He was not keen to give up any of his social engagements or modify his regular schedule as we prepped for his move. I think I convinced him to cancel one thing so we could finish in time for the movers to pack up.

So as we moved from room to room, it was clear his mind was up for 2 hours of decision-making at a time before he maxed out. We had already had already done lots of decluttering in his house to this point. But it was still an intimidating amount to go through given the 2 hour limit. We were a bit worried that we wouldn’t be able to finish in time. So we made a choice that I highly recommend.

Stay At Level 1

Decision fatigue is a real thing no matter how old you are. So when your 83-year-old dad downsizes it’s important to ration those decisions. I kept my dad completely focused on what I call Level 1 Decisions.

In the context of decluttering, Level 1 Decisions are the choices to make about what to let go and what to keep. Level 2 Decisions include the choices related to the things you are letting go. Should I donate this? Can I recycle it? Should I try and sell it? Is it really just trash? These decisions will drag you down really fast once you’ve made the Level 1 Decision to not take an item with you when you move.

Often, the Level 1 Decision is agonizing enough on its own. But then you have to prolong the agony with another string of decisions about the thing you had a hard time saying goodbye to. In my observation, Level 2 Decisions are the reason many people can’t ever follow through with a decluttering project. And when you are in a downsizing situation with a set deadline the situation can get scary real fast.

So how do you avoid Level 2 Decisions? Well, that’s what we are going to get into next!

Hire a Residential Clean Out Service

I did not even know this service existed until a few years ago when my Aunt and Uncle downsized. And even after I found out about it I didn’t understand its true value until my dad downsized. Residential Clean Outs are usually part of Estate Sale Companies, but many offer the service as a stand alone even if you aren’t having an estate sale. Here’s how it works.

Once you are finished with all of your Level 1 decisions and your ‘keeps’ are packed up, the Estate Sale team comes through the house and cleans out everything you have left behind. They will sell anything valuable from the estate, donate anything that doesn’t sell, recycle what is recyclable and dispose of the trash. They save you the physical work of all that running around. But I believe the real value is in the mental energy you save by avoiding all of those Level 2 decisions.

The cost of this service varies depending on how much stuff you have and whether there is an estate sale attached. In my opinion it is worth the money and saves everyone involved with the move time, energy and sanity. It certainly lifted a big part of the burden from both my dad and I! The local company we worked with here in Seattle was Ginny’s Girls, and I would highly recommend them!

When you dad downsizes there is enough to worry about without wasting energy on what to do with the stuff he isn’t keeping. This is the first lesson of several I’ll be writing about this month on the blog!