Values vs. Practices: The Decluttering Shift That Changes Everything

Alert – this blog is for anyone who feels like decluttering specific items goes against their values in some way. I get this a lot in my social media comments:

“I would never get rid of (insert item X) because I value family”

“Decluttering (specific thing Y) is not an option – I value my memories”

“I will not add to landfills, it’s so wasteful – I value the environment”

So I am moved to point out the differences between values vs. practices. When we declutter, we often rationalize keeping things because we are confusing practices with values. That distinction changes a lot if you understand the difference between the two.

Here I’m going to illustrate why practices and values are mutually exclusive. I’ll dig into why the lines blur so much for those of us in midlife. And I have a question you can ask yourself when you are having a hard time decluttering that will put the decision in perspective. Let’s get into it!

What’s the Difference Between a Value and a Practice?

So values vs. practices – what’s the difference? A value represents a deep belief or priority. Here are some examples:

• Connection
• Family
• Creativity
• Hospitality
• Security
• Beauty
• Stewardship

A practice is the way you express that value. There can be many different practices that express the same value. Where we get tripped up when decluttering is confusing the way we’ve historically expressed a value with the value itself.

For example:

• Value: Honoring family. Practice: Keeping inherited furniture
• Value: Financial Stewardship. Practice: Keeping things you spent good money on
• Value: Security. Practice. Keeping things “just in case”
• Value: Environmental Stewardship. Practice: Recycling wherever possible
  

What many folks miss is that it is possible to change the way you express your values. There is not one righteous path forward. Practices can change while values remain intact. You can let go of a practice that isn’t serving you and pivot to one that better aligns with your current lifestyle/situation/circumstances. Or with something you are trying to accomplish, like decluttering for instance.

Why the Lines Between Values vs. Practices Blur in Midlife

It is completely understandable how we mistake practices for values so often in midlife. We’ve accumulated decades’ worth of physical expressions of our identity. That means our homes contain evidence of every life stage we’ve passed through, from our own youth to raising families to empty nesting. 

We were raised by parents and grandparents who grew up in times of scarcity, when values of family and stewardship were consistently expressed via physical belongings and squeezing the most out of every purchase. Our parents passed these practices down to us. Because the practices have existed through multiple generations they feel like the values themselves.

That’s why decluttering certain things can seem like a betrayal of your values, even though you know in your wise mind that it’s the right thing to do. Letting go of them feels like you’re becoming someone different – someone who is straying from the values you have identified with your whole like.

The funny thing is, these practices may not have even been explicity verbalized. They were just in the water we grew up swimming in:

• “Good mothers save their kids’ things.”
• “Responsible people keep useful items.”
• “Family heirlooms must stay in the family.”

Do any of these feel familiar? If the answer is yes you are not alone! The sensation is unique to our season of life and the specific generations we were born into!

The One Question That Changes Decluttering

Now you understand the differences of values vs. practices. Naming the problem sucks away half of its power over you! But that tractor beam is still pretty strong – so how do you actually break free? 

It’s very simple, really. It’s merely a switch of the internal question you ask every time you go to declutter something that is emotionally loaded.

Instead of asking “Does this item matter?” ask yourself “Is this object the only way to honor this value?” I guarantee you can think of multiple ways to express your values that don’t involve keeping a bunch of clutter that you don’t use and (honestly) don’t really care about.

• You can value your children without keeping 20 bins of childhood artwork
• You can value hospitality without a formal dining room (or the wedding china in it) that nobody uses
• You can value memories without keeping every object attached to them
• You can value preparedness without storing a lifetime supply of “maybe someday”

If you need ideas on clutter-free ways you can express values, check out my blogs on Rituals and Grief Decluttering. They’ll help you reframe what feels like giving up your values to merely updating how you express them in your life today.

Your values deserve space.
Your outdated practices don’t automatically deserve storage! When you decouple values and practices you make letting go feel a lot less like a loss.

Try it out and see if it doesn’t help you make space for the things that matter – and let me know how it goes!