May Mixed Bag: Midlife Evolution

May is here! I love May because it means summer is close, kids return home from college and we get to spend Memorial Day weekend with our squad. May is where the calendar year begins its midlife evolution and everything from the weather to people’s behavior starts to look and feel different. This dynamic reminds me of my own life. If I take a moment to step back and reflect, I can see and feel the wheels of my midlife turning and evolving. When you take time to notice the changes, a lot comes into focus!

The Month of Maureen

My midlife evolution includes approaching May differently than I have in the past. May is the month I think about my mom the most. She died almost 7 years ago but May brings her memory into sharp focus because it’s the month she was born, the month of Mother’s Day and the month she died.

I used to mentally stamp ‘HARD THING’ on May for those reasons. But now I’ve evolved to think of it more as a month of celebrating what she meant to me. I make the Hipy Papy Bthudth Thuthday Cake from my Winnie The Pooh Cookbook. I’ve had the book since I was eight and baked the cake for her birthday too many years to count. I review and post some of my favorite pictures of her on Mother’s Day. Choosing the photo to post has become somewhat of a ritual and it’s fun to get into my digital library and look for the perfect shot. And then there’s sharing memories of her with my dad, my husband and my kids – which happens all the time, frankly, but more so in May.

I have some things of my mom’s, but only the ones I love and use. The rest my dad and I donated. I can’t explain it fully but in my experience keeping everything a loved one left behind weighs your memories down and kind of smothers them. I feel lighter and freer without all the stuff, and I’m pretty clear on the fact that I loved her a lot and did not dishonor her by donating what was hers.

Another Midlife Milestone

This month our middle child graduates from college! Another milestone in the midlife evolution! The whole family, including grandparents will head down to Tucson to cheer on our Wildcat as she crosses the stage.

Every kid is different and I love all of mine, but this is the kid that inspired the mantra I’ve adopted as my own: ‘You Can Do Hard Things’. Ever since we identified her dyslexia in 3rd grade, school has been a Hard Thing. It took 15 years and a lot of resilience to achieve this milestone. But my favorite thing is not that she is receiving her degree. It’s that she learned that she can do things, even when they seem overwhelming or difficult. She evolved to know you can get up off the mat when you get knocked down. She learned to advocate for herself and know her resources.

These are all truths I use in my coaching practice. Raising this particular kid taught me how true they really are. Congratulations Charlotte Mary, keep evolving Girl!

Damn Menopause

The midlife evolution isn’t always great – in fact, sometimes it sucks! I have a lot of special occasions happening in the coming months, from Charlotte’s graduation to a family wedding. Because of my 30 years in Fashion Retail and my innate inclination to plan ahead, this meant I began the process of planning outfits way back in February. Normally planning outfits is super fun for me and I own many dresses appropriate for the occasions. But I hadn’t tried them on in quite some time. 

So last week I bit the bullet and had a try-on party. Except the party vibes sucked. Because over half the dresses didn’t fit me anymore. Boobs to big, waist too big – it was so depressing. Subconsciously I knew this was going to be the case, but I couldn’t face the new reality for over a year so the dresses stayed in my closet. The try-on party forced me to take my own advice and practice some radical honesty. The season of my pre-menopause body in these beautiful dresses was over. And it was time to remove the reminders of what was and embrace (strong word, don’t think I’m actually there yet!) the body I have today.

So I decluttered the dresses that no longer fit. And I ordered a couple of new ones in a bigger size. And it turns out I can still look decent in a dress that fits me. My reason for sharing this story is to remind you of two things:

1. If you have things that don’t fit you lingering in your closet, bite the bullet and let them go. It’s humiliating in the moment but you will feel so much better when it’s over.
2. Wearing clothes that fit your body feels good. So much better than squeezing into things that are too tight. Your life isn’t over just because you had to go a size up – try on something that fits you well and see how good you feel!

Let Yourself Evolve

So many things evolve in midlife. The evolution is inevitable. The key is to to step back and see the many lessons life has taught you that are newly visible in this season.