Decluttering Sentimental Items: Whose Memories Are You Keeping?

Decluttering sentimental items can be so challenging. But often we reflexively keep things around that we think are sentimental to us. 

For instance, think of all the things you have from your parents or grandparents. Now mentally separate them into two groups. First there are the ones that evoke specific memories for you. The geode bookends that were a fixture in the home you grew up in that still make you smile. The chess set your grandfather carved out of jade that makes you think of him every time you see it. A glass measuring cup of your mom’s you use in your kitchen.

The second category is things that meant a lot to your parent, but your connection to them lies only in the fact that they belonged to your parent. A necklace of your mother’s that is not your style. Your dad’s collection of putters collecting dust since you don’t golf. An ‘heirloom’ dresser from your grandparents’ house that has taken up permanent residence in your garage because it clashes with the rest of the furniture in your house.

Sentimental savers accumulate lots of things over the years that belonged to people they love, whether they were intentionally chosen or just bestowed. When you’re decluttering, you may have a hard time letting go of anything that once belonged to your mom (or dad, or grandparent.) When that happens, it’s important to note the distinction between keeping something that brings back your memories vs. holding on to it out of obligation to someone else’s.

Being sentimental is fine. It doesn’t mean you can’t declutter! You should keep things around that make you happy and remind you of people you love. Just make sure the things you are keeping are sentimental to you.

You’re Allowed to Keep Things That Mean Something to You

You do not have to justify every keepsake by its usefulness! Decluttering sentimental items does not mean getting rid of a concert ticket stub, a handwritten letter, or a high school yearbook. You can keep all these things if they hold meaning for you, it’s perfectly okay. (Note: please do not keep them buried in a box at the bottom of a pile of stuff in your basement. If you can’t access them then why exactly are you saving them? But I digress…)

Decluttering does not mean you have to let go of everything meaningful to you. A curated collection of items from your past is fun to visit every once in a while. The key word here is ‘curated.’ If there is too much sentimental stuff, let’s face it – you aren’t ever going to enjoy it because it will feel more like a chore to go through than a fun romp down memory lane.

The first place to make edits are to the things that hold sentimental value to other people, and we all have examples of this even though we may not realize it!

You Don’t Have to Inherit Someone Else’s Attachment

You can have sentimental attachment to people without having to keep their stuff. Your parents’ affection for their china, collections or furniture doesn’t create an obligation for you to keep them. Don’t conflate love for the person with love for the thing that once belonged to them. Decluttering sentimental items that were sentimental to other people does not demean your feelings for the loved ones that valued them.

Even if this something was important to your mom or dad, it doesn’t have to hold the same value for you. An easy way to identify the things you shouldn’t be keeping is to ask yourself ‘If I didn’t know how much they loved this, would I choose to keep it?’ If the answer is no, you can let it go (without guilt!)

When you choose pieces that feel meaningful to you, you’ll be more likely to enjoy them. They won’t merely be taking up space in your home, waiting for the next generation to shoulder the load of obligation.

Your Kids Get to Choose Their Own Keepsakes

Speaking of the next generation, the same rule applies to the stuff you care about as it relates to them. These things you are keeping are meaningful to you. It doesn’t follow that your kids will care about the David Bowie concert ticket, or the letters from your high school boyfriend or the collection of china birthday figurines your grandparents added to each year.

In fact, let your kids know now that the things you are keeping are for your own enjoyment and they have no obligation to keep all of it themselves. There may be some things they’d like to have but the choice is theirs. This is going to save them a whole lot of grief and guilt down the line.

And don’t be offended if they express ambivalence for items you treasure. Different people are different. Different generations are certainly different. Whether they are interested in your wedding china or not has no bearing on their love for you. So don’t make them feel like they should love everything that you love!

Share the stories behind your belongings if you like, but emphasize that your enjoyment of something now doesn’t depend on your kids wanting it later.

Remember The Sentimental Stuff Is About You

It’s a lovely thing to revisit fond memories. But keeping things around that don’t hold personal memories for you is a waste of precious space. And expecting your kids to make space for your memories isn’t fair to them. Decluttering sentimental items that don’t specifically relate to you is a good exercise to do now, so they don’t have to do it later.

You can honor someone else’s memories without making their belongings your responsibility. And you can treasure your own keepsakes without asking your kids to do the same. After all, your memories are all about you – so let that be your filter!