Midlife Decluttering Is Hard: 3 Ways to Build the Mental Strength to Do It
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So I was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of weeks ago (boo, hiss!) I’ve communicated with my friends and family, there is a treatment plan in place and about a hundred different medical appointments on my calendar instead of organizing sessions. It’s a lot to process and I know it’s going to be a journey to rid my body of this pesky disease. I’m going to need physical and mental strength.
But what I’ve found myself thinking about most is the mental strength I’m going to need on this journey. I’m going to be dealing with all kinds of feelings: fear, disappointment, frustration, anger, guilt. It’s going to be a lot to navigate! And of course that got me thinking about how the advice I dole out on a daily basis for decluttering is advice I’m going to have to take myself, ha!
Because here’s a little secret you may not know. A lot of the tricks, tips and hacks that I write about in the context of decluttering also work for other tricky emotional situations. In fact, they are skills that you may be applying to decluttering now, but you’ll be able to use them in other areas of your life as well. (Hopefully not what I’m using them for but you get the picture!)
I thought I would use this week’s blog to focus on three ways to build your mental strength for decluttering. They also happen to be things that I’m going to focus on along my cancer journey as well. Writing about them helps rewire my own brain so I can get through this thing with my spirit intact. Thanks for bearing with me!
Do The Next Right Thing
One of our brains’ favorite hobbies is catastrophizing. It loves to race ahead to every possible problem, every worst-case scenario, every decision that hasn’t even arrived yet. When you’re decluttering, that sounds like:
“What if I regret getting rid of this?”
“What if I need it someday?”
“How am I ever going to finish this whole house?”
My brain is trying to do the exact same thing right now. I’m a big picture girl and a planner. I always like to be 3 steps ahead. My brain wants to fast-forward months into treatments I haven’t had yet and conversations that haven’t happened. But none of that helps me today.
So instead, I’m building mental strength by asking myself one simple question: What’s the next right thing?
Not the next fifty things – just the next one. Maybe that’s finding a friend to accompany me to an appointment. Or taking a shower post-surgery. Or resting (something I’m not very good at!)
When you’re decluttering, maybe it’s tackling one drawer. Or researching donation spots. Or simply opening the door of the doom room you’ve been scared to enter. Momentum is built one next right thing at a time. Your brain will keep trying to drag you into the future. Your job is simply to bring it back to today.
Your Thoughts Are Not Facts
Here’s something I remind my clients all the time: Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. Building mental strength means not accepting intrusive thoughts as facts.
Your mind is like a bus with many passengers on board. Those passengers are your thoughts.
Some of the thoughts are helpful:
“I should probably declutter this because I never use it.”
And some of them aren’t:
“I spent so much money on it, if I declutter it, it’s like I wasted that money.”
You can’t help your thoughts—they are part of you and part of being human! But, you don’t have to let them drive the bus. In fact, you can kick them off once they’ve said their piece!
My own intrusive thoughts have been coming in fast and furious lately. Of course it’s natural given the situation but I am going to have to practice recognizing them and escorting them off my bus. I often find that when you stop to check the facts they don’t line up with what you were thinking since the intrusive thoughts were being so noisy in the back!
Hard Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Do It
I sign off every social media caption with the mantra ‘You Can Do Hard Things.’ I love it because it’s so true that it seems obvious and yet we don’t do things all the time because we think they’re too hard.
Something feels hard, so we reflexively decide it must be beyond us. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Decluttering is hard. Sorting through a lifetime of possessions is hard. Making hundreds of decisions is hard. Letting go of guilt is hard. But none of that means you can’t do it! Build up some mental strength and you absolutely can!
In midlife we have the benefit of wisdom. We’ve lived through a lot of life and have accomplished many hard things. We’ve raised families, navigated careers, experienced loss, weathered disappointments and don’t even get me started on menopause!
You are strong. Decluttering is hard but you can do hard things. Cancer is going to be hard but I know I have the balls (forgive me, I just had to! 😂) to take it on. Because I’ve done plenty of other hard things and come out the other side.
You’ve Got This
Mental strength doesn’t just happen – just like anything else you need to build it up with lots of reps and practice. You will be amazed at how much stronger you will be coming out of your midlife decluttering journey. It really is cathartic!
I can’t say if my cancer journey will be cathartic, too early for that. But I do know what I need to work on so that it doesn’t kick my ass mentally. And I’m getting my first reps in with this blog.
Thanks for helping me out! 💪🏻
If this post made you want the bigger picture, this is for you.
Ready for the book version of this work?
The Midlife Edit is my upcoming book about decluttering and organizing to make space for what’s next. If you want a deeper, bigger-picture guide to this season of life, preorder your copy now.
God bless you! You can definitely do hard things!
You inspire others to do hard things- you can do it too Carrie!! 💪🩷
Hi Carrie. I’m so sorry to hear about your breast cancer diagnosis! It is such a shock and wrapping your mind and your family’s around it is a challenge. I have a dear friend (62) and a cousin (75) that were both diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer this year. It has been a tough year and hasn’t been a picnic for them by any means, but they have both gotten through it and are almost done with treatment. They both said the anticipation and worry was almost worse than the chemo. Hang in there! You’ve got this 💓
Thank you for sharing! Your blog came at the right time for me and I appreciate your insight.
Many hugs of gratitude! Keep on pushing forward..
Cancer sucks! You DO have the strength to fight and win your breast cancer war! Praying for you! You can do it!!
You really helped me get through my Parents move into a retirement home and how to deal with all the stuff they left behind. My prayers are with you as you navigate this chapter in your life.
Carrie, I have had both breast cancer and ovarian cancer and now I am waiting to get my nodes biopsied. They think the ovarian cancer has come back. My mental strength was so important through the rough times and I know you have the mental strength needed to beat this. I will be praying for you. 🙏 I know you can do it!!
Good luck!! 🍀
You can do this hard thing! I’m praying for you & for your strength & courage to endure and survive!
Yes, you CAN do hard things … AND it sucks. Been there, done that. Just take one step at a time. Oh and let people bring you food when you’re recovering.
Wishing you all of the peace during this new journey for you. Don’t forget to take time to realize it IS hard, and to grieve easy, but in the end, stick to your mantra! You CAN do hard things—one step at a time. 💕
Sending you strength and positivity!
I’m a survivor. It’s not going to be easy and I don’t know all of your details, but I’m sending you strength and healing thoughts. I had someone reach out to me that I didn’t know very well at the beginning of my cancer journey and it was just so good to speak with a survivor. Try not to google too much. Every journey is different. Wishing you all the best.
Both my grand mother and mom were 46 when diagnosed with breast cancer. They both lived to their mid 90’s. I just want Ed you to hear some good outcomes to boost your spirits. I will be sending positive thoughts out for you.
Positive thoughts for you, one day at a time! You absolutely can do hard things. I was diagnosed with BC in 2022 and it was a journey, your decluttering mindset will really help you! Stay positive!
Sending good thoughts to you.
Well, that is horrible news. And I admire the way you turned what know for other hard parts of our lives to this. AND this sucks. I wish you all the strength as you deal with this. I have been using your advice as I have been decluttering/cleaning out my mother’s home. It’s hard and your advice has helped immensely. I will be thinking of you and sending you thoughts of strength and healing. ❤️🩹
Take care. Good thoughts as you tackle this journey. ❤️
Oh, and thst is my husband picture🤪
So sorry to hear this for you but love the way you are already approaching it! You’re a very inspiring lady! One small step at a time…. (with quite a few people cheering you on! 😉)
Gail
UK
Bless you, Carrie. This too will pass and you will be even stronger for it.
Take advantage of all of the help offered. Your turn will come to pay it back some day. Rest often and never feel guilty about whatever you need to do to take care of you. You will be in my prayers.
You can do hard things! I will be praying for you & cheering you on!
Thinking of you Carrie… I was diagnosed with breast cancer less than 4 years ago and have been doing well. We’re surrounded by the most incredible doctors and treatments available! Sending you love and strength thru this uncertain time… you’ve got this! Hugs
Well, I am so sorry to hear this news. You have helped me, and so many others in our decluttering journeys. Please remember to let others help you during this challenging time. I will be praying for you, for peace and strength and for ultimate healing from the Lord!
Carrie, you have so many followers and admirers who are standing with you on your newest journey. Take heart, be strong and know you are in many heartfelt thoughts and prayers. We appreciate all you do for us!
3 years ago my husband and I went through radiation treatment. His prostate cancer is held at bay and my breast exams have been clear. You are correct that most of the strength needed is similar to the declutter process for facing it, accepting, taking action and letting go. You are a master leader and you are shifting to the medical system but you will succeed in the same way…by taking charge. I am hours away from you cheering as loud as I can! you can and will move through this like the pro you are!
Great article. I look forward to the morning I wake up and see you as a guest on the Today show. Love this topic, keep it coming!
hi carrie.im new to your blog but follow u on insta. so sorry for this diagnosis, but as u say…you’ve got this, speaking as a 10 year survivor of Colorectal cancer. I hope they found it relatively early phase. Now a word, actually, words of organization advice that helped me immensely and has been so helpful then and even now… get a big 3 ring binder ( I know, paper bad but you will understand why later). Get sets of dividers…start with contacts…think spreadsheets one for Dr’s. friends, family, various facilities, insurance info, etc. This isnt for you as much as it is for your helpers who may not have access to all the digital files that might exist along the various HEPA protected digital platforms. Many of the doctors are not on the same digital platform, which makes it difficult to access information from one to the other. you also cannot print out information most of the time should you need it. if you have to have chemo, chemo brain is real. It’s also getting more and more difficult to get medical information directly from the hospitals, doctors etc on a disc because nobody’s using disks anymore. they may fax it to you though. I found that it was a convenient way for me to take my relevant history to various new appts, and there will be many. My tests results, dr notes and summaries, rx lists, etc. to the various doctors that I was going to and also became a great reference later on. When I was years out of easily find and take to new doctors because they want to know everything that happened and again, chemo brain is long lasting. the digital platforms change and get archived and are not available. So forgive me the paper, it’s really good for your family members to have visual access to it, to be able to get information if they visit doctors with you. I truly hope that your situation is not as advanced but it doesnt need t I be to make this useful. So, don’t hate me for writing this. be sure to make a section for bills….or summaries of bills from each facility. who knew my radiation would have cost me 498,000 with I ut insurance and to note i didnt pay a dime. also, out of pocket is tax deductible in many cases…again, all right there in your binder. a good idea is also to get copies of paper copies of all your reports; operating reports, your test results, even if that means you printing it out from a digital platform. i would sometimes just ask at the dr office for these at the time of post op or follow ups. Whether it be under your doctor under the type of issue, or under test or just chronologically.. Maybe you put all your chemo in one area or radiology in that same area as they are often related. . Whatever it is that makes sense to you. my binder got awful, thick, awful, quick, a lot of times they give you reference information of what something is and it’s great to keep to refer back to. It’s great for your people to be able to read it to know what you’re going through, or what you will considering. My binder is thick. I still have it. I still refer to it 10 years later when I get a question from a new doctor of which there are many and I cant remember, some of my Dr’s retired or left that practice or hospital system. im on Medicare now, a whole different animal. So I wish you nothing but fast quick, complete healing. I’ll give you a last piece of unsolicited advice that a doctor gave to me. She said, don’t worry about the cancer. or other issues you could get. Treat the cancer or issue that you have in front of you right now. this is similar to what you’re saying above in your blog. I’m thinking about you and sending you wonderful, healing thoughts for a fast, quick and complete recovery. All the best, Jill.
You will get so much advice and like clutter don’t be afraid to get rid of what you don’t need. Ha that was advice. But 4 years into stage iv MBC that really is the only advice I have. Oh and find a friend who is dealing with something similar. It really helps. Praying for you!
I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I can tell you have the strength and determination to successfully fight this disease. Wishing you the very best in this journey!
I wish you all the best . I’ve been where you are now. Though it is hard and you can, and will get through it.
Please be open to the idea that sometimes the feelings and the fears might find their way in and catch you off guard. If that happens let yourself cry it out or cling to a loved one. This won’t be a failure of your strength, it will be a release that you need. Tomorrow will be another day and you’ll move forward.
Through it all remember that YOU – just as are at any given moment- ARE ENOUGH. Nothing that happens on this road will be because you weren’t strong enough.