Midlife Decluttering Is Hard: 3 Ways to Build the Mental Strength to Do It

So I was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of weeks ago (boo, hiss!) I’ve communicated with my friends and family, there is a treatment plan in place and about a hundred different medical appointments on my calendar instead of organizing sessions. It’s a lot to process and I know it’s going to be a journey to rid my body of this pesky disease. I’m going to need physical and mental strength.

But what I’ve found myself thinking about most is the mental strength I’m going to need on this journey. I’m going to be dealing with all kinds of feelings: fear, disappointment, frustration, anger, guilt. It’s going to be a lot to navigate! And of course that got me thinking about how the advice I dole out on a daily basis for decluttering is advice I’m going to have to take myself, ha!

Because here’s a little secret you may not know. A lot of the tricks, tips and hacks that I write about in the context of decluttering also work for other tricky emotional situations. In fact, they are skills that you may be applying to decluttering now, but you’ll be able to use them in other areas of your life as well. (Hopefully not what I’m using them for but you get the picture!)

I thought I would use this week’s blog to focus on three ways to build your mental strength for decluttering. They also happen to be things that I’m going to focus on along my cancer journey as well. Writing about them helps rewire my own brain so I can get through this thing with my spirit intact. Thanks for bearing with me!

Do The Next Right Thing

One of our brains’ favorite hobbies is catastrophizing. It loves to race ahead to every possible problem, every worst-case scenario, every decision that hasn’t even arrived yet. When you’re decluttering, that sounds like:

“What if I regret getting rid of this?”

“What if I need it someday?”

“How am I ever going to finish this whole house?”

My brain is trying to do the exact same thing right now. I’m a big picture girl and a planner. I always like to be 3 steps ahead. My brain wants to fast-forward months into treatments I haven’t had yet and conversations that haven’t happened. But none of that helps me today.

So instead, I’m building mental strength by asking myself one simple question: What’s the next right thing?

Not the next fifty things – just the next one. Maybe that’s finding a friend to accompany me to an appointment. Or taking a shower post-surgery. Or resting (something I’m not very good at!) 

When you’re decluttering, maybe it’s tackling one drawer. Or researching donation spots. Or simply opening the door of the doom room you’ve been scared to enter. Momentum is built one next right thing at a time. Your brain will keep trying to drag you into the future. Your job is simply to bring it back to today.

Your Thoughts Are Not Facts

Here’s something I remind my clients all the time: Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. Building mental strength means not accepting intrusive thoughts as facts.

Your mind is like a bus with many passengers on board. Those passengers are your thoughts.

Some of the thoughts are helpful:

“I should probably declutter this because I never use it.”

And some of them aren’t:

“I spent so much money on it, if I declutter it, it’s like I wasted that money.”

You can’t help your thoughts—they are part of you and part of being human! But, you don’t have to let them drive the bus. In fact, you can kick them off once they’ve said their piece!

My own intrusive thoughts have been coming in fast and furious lately. Of course it’s natural given the situation but I am going to have to practice recognizing them and escorting them off my bus. I often find that when you stop to check the facts they don’t line up with what you were thinking since the intrusive thoughts were being so noisy in the back!

Hard Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Do It

I sign off every social media caption with the mantra ‘You Can Do Hard Things.’  I love it because it’s so true that it seems obvious and yet we don’t do things all the time because we think they’re too hard.

Something feels hard, so we reflexively decide it must be beyond us. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Decluttering is hard. Sorting through a lifetime of possessions is hard. Making hundreds of decisions is hard. Letting go of guilt is hard. But none of that means you can’t do it! Build up some mental strength and you absolutely can!

In midlife we have the benefit of wisdom. We’ve lived through a lot of life and have accomplished many hard things. We’ve raised families, navigated careers, experienced loss, weathered disappointments and don’t even get me started on menopause!

You are strong. Decluttering is hard but you can do hard things. Cancer is going to be hard but I know I have the balls (forgive me, I just had to! 😂) to take it on. Because I’ve done plenty of other hard things and come out the other side.

You’ve Got This

Mental strength doesn’t just happen – just like anything else you need to build it up with lots of reps and practice. You will be amazed at how much stronger you will be coming out of your midlife decluttering journey. It really is cathartic!

I can’t say if my cancer journey will be cathartic, too early for that. But I do know what I need to work on so that it doesn’t kick my ass mentally. And I’m getting my first reps in with this blog.

Thanks for helping me out! 💪🏻