Swapping, Not Losing: A Midlife Approach to Decluttering

I promise I’m not going to write about cancer every week, but obviously it’s top of mind for me at the moment. And since I’m working on building up my mental strength for multiple surgeries and treatments, there is a lot of natural crossover with decluttering. This week I’m focusing on a specific shift of perspective around loss and thinking about swapping instead.

Many folks fear decluttering because they view it as a net loss. Loss of identity, of memories, of investments in both time and money. I’m struggling with a similar mindset right now as I face recovery from a double mastectomy. I am someone who works hard on her fitness. I work out 5 days a week: running, stationary biking on my Peloton and strength training with weights. While I’m not a natural athlete, I do the work because it is in the short and long-term interests of my physical and mental health. The fact that I won’t be able to participate in my workout routine for weeks feels like a big loss.

But what if I re-framed that loss as a swap? I may be losing my work out as I recover from the surgery but staying off my feet during that time gives me something important: the ability to travel in October. Why is that important? Because my book comes out at the end of September and I have book events (plus an awesome Napa weekend with my college girlfriends!) scheduled in October, I do not want to miss those events. If everything goes smoothly with my recovery (i.e. If I don’t push myself to get ‘back to normal activities’ too fast) then I should be able to make those trips. So that’s what I’m going to think about when I’m antsy and want to push a boundary.

You can use a similar re-frame when you are fearing the losses you’ll incur as you declutter. I’ve got three great swapping examples for you.

Swapping For Space

For some reason, we do not place the same value on space that we do the things in it. If there is enough open space to fit a piece of furniture we will jam it in. If there is an open shelf in a closet we will happily fill it. And often we crowd things out of the space they are supposed to occupy (cars in a garage come to mind.) As if our homes were nothing but storage for the thousands of things we own.

I often describe decluttering in midlife as ‘shedding the deadwood.’ Some of the deadwood items are things you don’t use but may feel attached to. For instance, tent the family used to sleep in on camping trips you no longer take. Or a bunch of plaques and awards from a career that were relevant back when you were still working. Letting go of that stuff can feel like a loss.

So instead, think of the space you are gaining once it’s gone. More open space means you can see what you have. Move through a room more easily. Feel a sense of calm when you look across at a bookshelf that was once stuffed to the gills. 

We take space for granted, but you definitely notice the difference once you have it back. Swapping stuff for space is a good trade!

Swapping For Function

As I’ve already noted, we unwittingly turn our homes into storage units as we accumulate more and more things. How about the guest room that turned into a dumping ground for anything that didn’t have a home? Or what about the treadmill that you hardly ever use? It lives in your bedroom and is often draped in cast-off clothing and Amazon boxes. How about the alcove that would make a great reading nook if it was cleared of debris?

There are many ways your home can work for you if you remove ‘storage unit’ from its resume. (And don’t get me started on actual storage units!) Midlife is a fantastic time to reassess your home’s functions and how you can clear space for something you’d like to do. Home gym? Studio space? Library? Workshop? Gear room?

You aren’t losing things you’ve had ‘forever’, you’re swapping storage for functionality!

Swapping For Something Better

I am a huge proponent of midlife upgrades. We have lived through enough years using things that work ‘just fine’ and when we deservedly bring in a newer, better version we keep them both. Letting go of the sheet pan that has seen better days in service of a new USA Pan that is superior in every way is a good swap. Saying goodbye to the steel-frame bike that served you well 10 years ago in favor of a shiny new carbon-frame version that’s 15lbs lighter is a worthy upgrade. You don’t need to keep the 11 other wine-openers when you splurge on the fancy Coravin that doesn’t remove the cork (whaaaat?!?!)

You get the point. When you are feeling bad because you’re getting rid of something ‘perfectly good’ just remember, you are actually swapping for an upgrade in midlife. And deserve to do so!

The Higher Purpose

The swapping mindset is really just a way to help your higher purpose front-of- mind. Whether your goal is more space, functionality or a midlife upgrade – that’s what you should remember when your brain is telling you you’re going to miss the things you’re letting go.

As for me, while I recover from surgery I will be setting aside my fitness goals in service of the trips I desperately want to take in October. And whenever I’m feeling the loss, I’ll remind myself that it’s actually just a swap – and a good one at that!