Decluttering in Midlife: What Your Kids Really Want You to Know

In case you hadn’t heard, I recently wrote a book called The Midlife Edit. It tries to make sense of the hairball-like task that is decluttering in midlife. In the book, on my social media platforms and on this blog I offer practical advice, mindset shifts and support for anyone making tough decisions about what to let go of and what to keep in this season of life where so much is converging on us at once.

My expertise is born of hundreds of hours spent with organizing clients, helping my dad downsize to a home one-third the size of his house, and of course my own journey of decluttering amidst a career change and three kids leaving the nest. When you are in that deep sharing decluttering wisdom you can begin to feel like what you’re offering are platitudes, given how often you repeat yourself! But I came across a study survey recently that fully validated everything I talk about in my book, the blog and on the socials.

The Great Junk Transfer is a survey conducted by 1-800-GOT-JUNK? with whom I recently entered a partnership. They surveyed 2200 people across the U.S., Canada and Australia about the stuff they inherited or expected to inherit. They shared the study with me, and the results are illuminating. I’d like to bring forward the themes that were the most validating for me in the hopes that they will spur you on in your own decluttering journey!

Our stuff is a burden to our kids

I’ve helped so many people through the emotional and overwhelming process of cleaning out a parent’s home. For many, the experience becomes a wake-up call. It prompts them to take a closer look at their own clutter and consider the burden they may be leaving behind for their children if they don’t take action. 

So I was not surprised to see that nearly half the people in the survey would rather inherit nothing than deal with the stuff their parents left behind. The prospect of dealing with a household full of possessions that their parents never decluttered is so daunting that people are willing to sacrifice the things they actually would like to have.

In The Midlife Edit, I focus on all the benefits that decluttering in midlife unlocks in your life. You should declutter for that reason alone! But leaving a manageable estate for your kids is a benefit to them as well. If you truly want to pass some meaningful items on to your kids someday, ensure it happens by shedding the deadwood now.

Value Quality Over Quantity

What constitutes a small amount of meaningful items? Here’s another fun fact from The Great Junk Transfer: The average number of items that people would prefer to inherit from a relative was 12-15. And the most common response was 1-5 items. Think about that for a minute. Now think about the potential number of physical things in your home. Everything from books to clothing to plates to paper clips. Several years ago there was an unsubstantiated claim circulating that the average American household contained over 300,000 individual items. That seems high to me but even if the real number is half that, compare it to the 12-15 meaningful items you’d be passing down to the next generation. Damn…it’s eye-opening.

Don’t be scared though. What the 12-15 validates for me is that you should be curating as you declutter. You don’t have to keep everything, but you don’t have to get rid of everything either! We are decluttering in midlife – we aren’t death cleaning quite yet. You don’t need to pare down to the bare minimum now. But I’m guessing that there is a lot of stuff laying around your house that you know you don’t need and your kids won’t want!

Emotional Labor is the Biggest Burden

So why is that deadwood still hanging around? Well, decluttering in midlife asks a lot of you. Sorting through decades of belongings, making a myriad of decisions, and working through all of the uncomfortable emotions that come up along the way. And then you still have to get everything out of the house!

In the survey ‘Emotional Weight’ participants cited as the biggest single concern when clearing out a loved one’s estate. That resonates for me because in my experience emotional weight is also the biggest blocker to decluttering our own homes, especially in midlife! That’s why I have multiple chapters in The Midlife Edit dedicated to mindset and navigating the emotional waters of decluttering.

So here’s a thought – let someone else help with the physical part. You do the work of deciding  what stays and what goes. Then let someone else handle the lifting, loading, and removal. That help can be a godsend. Most especially for bulky furniture, heavy equipment, and the things you’ve wanted gone for years.

What I often see is how folks get so exhausted from the decision-making process that they don’t follow through with the actual removal of the stuff from their home. (And thus they aren’t actually reaping any benefit from their hard work!) This is where a junk removal service can be a godsend. When the physical work and logistics exceed your time, energy, or ability – outsourcing is the smart strategy and is absolutely worth the money.

The Great Midlife Declutter

Midlife is the perfect time for a clutter reset. You’re pruning back the layers to make space for the things that matter and leave room for new growth. And at the same time you’re saving your kids from the emotional and physical burden of clearing out your home someday. Because even though we have decades of life left to live, once you’ve done the great midlife declutter, you’ll consider the things you bring into your home with fresh (and clutter-sensitive) eyes.

I’m continuing to use my fresh eyes as I declutter my own empty nest in small, consistent efforts. And whenever I come across something too big to fit in my car (like the box spring from my youngest’s former room) I take the opportunity to scour for other items that have become part of the backdrop (a compost barrel, 3 broken fans, a retired vacuum, a neglected planter) and then I call 1-800-GOT-JUNK? to cart it away. And immediately I feel lighter.